How did you become a surrogate?

Surrogacy-Quote-122How did you become a surrogate?

I am interested in becoming a surrogate but do not know how.

Reply by Rayven
How did I become involved in surrogacy? I literally stumbled upon it.

Several years ago, I saw a made-for-tv-movie about a traditional surrogate mother, and thought in the back of my mind “I could do that someday”. I’m not even sure if I was a mother at that time, it was so long ago. But, as time went by, I forgot about the movie.

Then, a few years ago, I ran across an article in my newspaper looking for egg donors. I wasn’t sure I would qualify to donate eggs because I had had my tubes tied (you can, but I didn’t know it at the time) so while online searching for the answer to this question, I stumbled on surrogacy, and remembered that movie.

I then began the tedious and year-long process of gathering information. I did not want to jump into this blindly, so I took my time (and that is saying alot-I am a very impatient person, quite impulsive, and often make instantaneous decisions on major life changes) and found out absolutely everything there was to know about surrogacy. Then I went through the matching process, which took six more months, before starting my first journey.

The nice thing about all that time I spent, is that I have created this website for you, which took all that research and broke it down into pertinent information that you need to get started.

How do you start? Simple. Read this site. You need all the info that is here.

Just start at the top navigation tab at the left, “About Surrogacy”. Click it, and then click on each link on the page, which will take you to more information about surrogacy. Done with “About Surrogacy”, click the next tab, “Gestational Surrogacy”, and so on, going through the entire site (there are about 150 pages at this time) until you are done.

During this process, you will learn, specifically, what you need to do in order to become a surrogate mother.

Best wishes!

When do you get reimbursed in surrogacy?

Surrogacy-Quote-46Do you receive money in advance for medications or reimbursement after the fact?

by Jennifer
(Tampa FL)

I have signed on to be a Traditional Surrogate. We are in the beginning stages. I have purchased my first round of meds. Should I be asking for money to purchase meds in advance or sending the receipts and getting reimbursement after I purchase the meds?

Reply by Rayven
That depends on what your contract says. Some say that such expenses are reimbursed, and give specific information on where the surrogate should submit receipts (to an escrow agency, for example) while other contracts have the intended parents pay for the medications themselves, and then they are sent to the surrogate, eliminating her need to purchase them altogether.

Surrogacy medications can be very expensive. If your contract does not require you to pay for them and wait for reimbursement, see if your intended parents can set up an account with the pharmacy so that you do not need to pay out of pocket for them.

In my previous (gestational) surrogacy journeys, I did not pay out of pocket for my cycle medications, though I would cover things like birth control pills or prescription prenatals and was reimbursed.

What in your opinion are some of the cons of surrogacy?

Surrogacy-Quote-30by shannon
(haines )

I am a student at Akron Institute and i and a few fellow students are doing a class project and our topic was surrogacy. And i was wondering if you could tell me what the cons were of the surrogacy process would be.

Reply by Rayven

Hi Shannon,

Yes, there are cons to surrogacy. Here are a few of the biggest.

1. Costs
Surrogacy is extremely expensive, and out of reach for many infertile couples. The ones who do choose surrogacy often are regular, middle class Americans (or their counterparts from other countries) who sacrifice greatly in order to become parents.

2. Poor Matching
Many surrogate mothers and intended parents are so eager to get started that they rush the matching process instead of taking their time and finding the best people to go through this fantastic journey with. Often, what happens is that there are severe personality conflicts that can destroy a fragile relationship, and make the entire process quite miserable.

Also, sometimes due to rushing the matching process, one party (either the surrogate or the intended parents) ends up being less than ethical, and leaves the other party with great financial burdens.

3. No Guarantees
Surrogacy is an emotional whirlwind for everyone involved. And it is an extremely expensive process. But the kicker is that at the end of the day, there are no guarantees. There are no promises that a happy, healthy baby will be born. Transfers fail. Miscarriages and premature births happen. The reality is that a couple can use up all their savings and still be left without a baby.

One interesting thing I think I should mention: it is a myth that surrogate mothers try to keep babies they give birth to. While this happens in extremely rare cases (much the same way you hear every once in a while about a baby being stolen from a hospital) it is truly not a cause for concern in the surrogacy community.

Am I eligible for surrogacy?

Surrogacy-Quote-106by leslie

I had my uterus and cervix removed. Can I have my eggs removed and his sperm put together and have someone carry our baby?

Reply by Rayven


If you still have your ovaries intact, and they are producing viable eggs, then yes, what you are describing is possible, and quite common in gestational surrogacy.

Best wishes! 

How long after having a baby should I wait before becoming a surrogate?

Surrogacy-Quote-9by Elizabeth

I am currently pregnant with my own baby (my 4th actully) but I love being pregnant. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I hate the idea of people wanting to have a baby and not being able to. I really think i want to do this but I need to know how long after I have my baby I should wait before I start applying to agencies.

Reply by Rayven

Hi Elizabeth,

You only need to wait as long as your doctor recommends. Once he “clears” you for your next pregnancy, you can apply to become a surrogate mother.

For me, my doctor cleared me for another pregnancy at my 6 week checkup after delivering twins. (We waited six months anyway.)

Most doctors will clear you between 6 weeks and 6 months, though if you experienced complications it might be a year.

Best wishes!