Giving Up a Surrogate Baby

Surrogacy-Quote-103by rachael
(england)
I’m in the last couple of weeks of my surrogate pregnancy was it hard to give up the baby im starting to get really scared after the birth

Reply by Rayven
Rachel,

Giving a surrogate baby back to his parents is different for every surrogate mother. Some surrogate mothers experience only joy at the baby’s birth, as they are excited about the new family they have created.

Others feel a combination of some sadness as well as joy. At the birth, the surrogate’s role is done. Many surrogate mothers are the center of attention throughout the pregnancy, but the second that child is born, that attention shifts -permanently- to the baby.

Most women who are surrogates do not experience great feelings of sadness or loss at the birth of the baby; though it does occasionally happen. This is where a good support system comes into play.

Don’t be scared; the birth is beautiful, and watching the happiness on the faces of your intended parents is worth it all.

If you feel a little sad, it’s OK. Go home and hug your children and it should pass in a few days. Talk to your partner and your support system and be honest about your feelings with them. If for some reason your sadness (if you have any at all) lingers, or becomes overwhelming, talk to your OB/GYN.

For me, giving the baby back to his parents was the best part. I did not experience any sadness whatsoever. I can honestly say for me, it was not hard in the least giving the baby back to his parents.

Best wishes!

The Difference Between Traditional Surrogacy and Gestational Surrogacy

Surrogacy-Quote-62by mary
(ms)
Do you always use the other couples egg or could you just use the husbans sperm?

we do not have the money to do all the infertility specialest and i have pcos and do not ovulate. so i was wondering if you could use the surrgotes egg

Reply by Rayven
If you are doing Gestational Surrogacy, and going through IVF, you will use the egg of the intended mother or an egg donor.

The situation you are describing is called Traditional Surrogacy, where the surrogate becomes pregnant through Artificial Insemination with the sperm of the intended father.

Traditional surrogacy is very common, and usually much less expensive than Gestational surrogacy.

Hope this helps!

Intended Parents that Owe Surrogate Mother Money

Surrogacy-Quote-16by Nikia
(Baltimore, MD)

What if the baby you delivered is now a year old and payment by the intended parents is not yet received, what do you do? The agency can’t get it either even though it was in the contract. How to get payment from parents after the child is born? He is now a year old. 


Reply by Rayven

Hi Nikia,

I am very sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Some agencies are, unfortunately, notorious for dropping the ball when it comes to assisting the surrogate in receiving her compensation, or the remainder of her compensation.

If you have gone through the agency, have contacted the intended parents, and are certain that they have no plans on paying you the remainder that is due to you, then it is time to get your lawyer involved. This is a legal issue and you will most likely need to sue.

Most of your compensation will likely go to your lawyer as fees. You will probably not be able to recover these fees in addition to the compensation owed you.

For those reading this message wondering what to do to protect themselves from the same thing happening to them, the best advice I can give you is to have your compensation paid in full before the birth of the baby. If you choose to set up monthly compensation payments, for example, do so in 8 payment increments instead of 10. Use an escrow agent and have the funds deposited in escrow before signing.

And never, under any circumstances, sign a contract where your entire compensation is due at or after the birth of the child. Not only is this extremely risky for the surrogate, but it could be seen in some places as baby selling.

Best wishes to you Nikia!

What are the chances I will loose my uterus in this process?

Surrogacy-Quote-50by Brittney
(Berkeley, Ca.)

I am concerned about loosing my uterus during the surrogacy process? Are the chances and risk high than a normal pregnancy? I also have another question as well. Is bed rest very common during the pregnancy? I know there is the required 3 to 4 days after the IVF transfer, but is it always occurring. I don’t want to spend 9 months in the bed. Also, is being a surrogate time consuming? Will I still have time to do what I want to do? Thanks for your help on this matter.

Reply by Rayven

There are risks to surrogacy, and loss of uterus does happen, though it is uncommon. This is one of the main reasons why it is important that you are DONE having your own children before considering surrogacy.

The risks are slightly higher than with a typical pregnancy simply because there is a higher chance of multiples in IVF and gestational surrogacy, meaning a higher chance of complications, and a higher chance of major problems due to complications.

Though we have come a long way in the western world with advances in childbirth, women still do lose their lives. It’s just extremely uncommon.

The bedrest after the transfer is generally 1-3 days, if it is used at all. And this is a modified bedrest; you can get up to use the restroom, answer the door, fix a sandwich.

As to whether you would have additional bedrest, that would depend on any complications (especially with multiples) that might occur with your pregnancy. It is unlikely that you would be on bedrest for 9 months; but if you were to say, carry quintuplets, you might be on bedrest for half the pregnancy. It would totally depend on your situation.

Is it time consuming? Yes. Much, much more than a regular pregnancy. You have many more people to deal with, additional doctors, clinics, agencies, lawyers, intended parents. You have daily injections (this requires me to have 1.5 hours a day available because I use the EMLA cream) you have additional tests and especially if you have multiples, additional appointments.

You’ll still have time to do the regular things in your life, but you may have to alter or give up several, depending on your situation. Things like travel, promotions (that would require you to move), are just two examples.

Surrogacy is not a quick and easy process, and is not for the faint hearted. It is extremely invasive, takes a lot of effort and compromise, and is worth every minute of it.

Is cramping after an IVF transfer normal??

Surrogacy-Quote-15by Amie
(Illinois)

I am a gestational surrogate for my best friend and her husband. This is the first time any of us have gone through this process. The transfer was done on May 30th (2 embryos) and the preg. test will be June 8th. I have been on estrogen for almost a month and started my prog shots about 2 weeks ago. I have been crampy ever since I started the meds. I am still crampy after the transfer although the cramps haven’t changed in anyway. They seem to come and go. Does this sound normal? Does everyone feel crampy and a little bloated from the meds? I just hope nothing could be wrong. My BW for prog and estrogen levels tested great 2 days ago. Thanks for any input!

Reply by Rayven
Cramping after the IVF transfer or while on medications is quite normal; many surrogate mothers experience it.

Just be careful about what medications you take as a pain reliever. Advil and Aspirin are no-no’s but you may be able to take Tylenol. Ask your clinic to be sure.