by myra
(philippines)

can my husband be the father of the baby im carrying if we were having sex starting on the 2nd month of my pregnancy ?

im a surogate mother and is now pregnant with the intended parents child…but on the 2nd month of my pregnancy my husband and i started having sex…would that affect the baby inside and who is going to be the real father of this baby if the sperm came from the intended father but when i got pregnant i had sex with my husband??myra

Reply by Rayven

Myra,

If you are already pregnant, the baby can’t decide to switch fathers in your womb. If you were confirmed two-month’s pregnant with the child of your intended parents, and had not had sex with your husband prior to that, then they are the parents.

Most clinics establish firm rules on when the surrogate mother can resume relations with her spouse, partly to avoid this type of confusion, and the possibility that she will inadvertently conceive her own child. Yes, some “surrogate” mothers end up giving birth to their own children, solely because they ignore clinic regulations.

Most surrogacy arrangements require a DNA test upon birth to confirm the parentage of the baby.

If you were not confirmed pregnant before having sex with your husband, then it is possible you are pregnant with his child. The fetal age of the baby on an ultrasound should help you to determine this. If, when receiving your next ultrasound, the baby is 2 month’s smaller than he should be, chances are your surrogacy did not succeed.

Best wishes.

by Ayanaca
(Shreveport, LA)

I am unable to have kids but have eggs. What is the process that has to be taken in order for someone to be a surrogate parent for us?

Reply by Rayven

Ayanaca,

The best way to get started in surrogacy is to follow the 6-steps outlined here:

Surrogacy Getting Started Guide

by Amber
(California)

I’m truly thinking about being a surrogate mother but my husband and I find it important to have one more child together. What are the risks that being a gestational surrogate mother will affect our dream of having another child of our own?

Reply by Rayven

Yes, it is possible that you could lose your ability to have more children by becoming a surrogate mother.

Despite our modern medical miracles, it is still possible to lose your life during pregnancy and delivery. Though rare, it happens.

And it also happens that a woman can lose her ability to ever carry another child during any pregnancy and delivery. Thats why some intended mothers seek a surrogate.

I’ve known surrogates who have lost their ability to have future children, and I have known some surrogates who have become intended mothers and have enlisted another surrogate to help them complete their own family.

Is it common? No. But I would say that there is a slightly higher risk while being a surrogate than otherwise. There are more invasive procedures, you really don’t know how your body will react to medications, and with such an increased chance of multiples, your risks in pregnancy do go up.

Will it happen to you? Probably not. But for these reasons, I would without a doubt be sure that you are done having your own children before you consider becoming a surrogate mother.

Best wishes!

by vanessa franken
(Seoul, Korea)

-Health factors
-Family history
-Blood type
(???)

Reply by Rayven

Vanessa,

Each country has different laws and regulations on surrogacy. In some countries, like the United States, surrogacy is legal and is common. In other countries, it is illegal. I do not know any of the laws pertaining to surrogacy in Korea. You will need to speak with an attorney in your country.

As far as medical qualifications, the biggest qualification for surrogacy is that the potential surrogate mother has given birth to at least one healthy, full term baby.

Family history only matters for traditional surrogacy, unless there is something in a gestational surrogate mother’s history that may make it unsafe for her to carry children.

There are no rules to blood type in most surrogacy arrangements.

For step by step instructions on getting started in the United States please see:

Surrogacy Getting Started Guide

by Michele
(Guilderland, NY, USA)

Hi Rayven! I’m so glad you have this sight. I have a lot of questions for you! Here goes:
I am thinking of using a gestational surrogate if I ever want to get pregnant.

I don’t like the thought of giving birth and I was recently diagnosed with Factor 5 Leyden (blood disease) that ups my risk of miscarrying.

My friend, Kristin said she would be my surrogate if I needed one. So…

#1. How could I tell if the baby was really mine and she and her husband didn’t accidentally impregnate themselves or my boyfriend’s (will be my husband when we do this) sperm didn’t actually impregnate her egg? She will only have our kids as long as they are ours, not hers.

#2. What are the odds/chances of multiple births?

#3. Who is considered the mother on the birth certificate, me (biological mom) or her (gestational surrogate)?

#4. Will doctors even let me do this? Having Factor 5, I could still have a baby (my sister-in-law has this from her family and mine and she is currently 4 months along) but it just ups my chance of miscarriage and I’d be a high risk pregnancy, but my main reason is I don’t really wanna have the baby physically. Is that good enough for a doctor?

#5. Can I do egg extraction with my tubes sterilized?

Thanks so much!

Michele

Reply by Rayven

Michele,

1. A DNA test would be done at the child’s birth to confirm that you were indeed the biological mother of the child. Many states require this for the legal procedures, and many insurance companies as well. It’s pretty standard.

2. The odds of multiples are strong in IVF, especially with a surrogate mother. The more embryos you transfer, the more likely they are to stick. If you only want one baby, only transfer one embryo at a time. Seriously. Or you may find yourself faced with making a horrible decision later.

3. The birth mother will vary depending on what state you live in. Consult your attorney. Irregardless, it is just a formality and will all be corrected on a birth certificate later. If your friend is originally named the birth mother, this will be expunged in court completely.

4. (Answered this above)

5. Yes, it is possible, but you will need to consult your doctor for your specific situation. You can even do a retrieval without a uterus. It’s amazing what science can do these days!

I hope this all helps, Michele. I wish you the best.