What are my first steps in considering the option of a surrogate?

Surrogacy-Quote-5by Alicia
(Chicago, IL)

Hi. I am 30 years old (2 months away from 31) and I desperately want a baby. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, and together for 10. My issue is that I actually could produce a child but I have had numerous spinal surgeries and basically my body just can’t handle the stress of a pregnancy- even with bedrest. The reason for this is that I have a narcotic pain pump in my stomach, and over a half a dozen herniated discs. There is more to it, but bottom line is that I do not want my fetus receiving narcotics and my body also can’t handle it.

My sister brought up the idea of surrogacy and she is set on the idea of carrying my child for me. I am a very realistic person and have so many mixed emotions. I picture her with morning sickness, all her aches in pains, not to mention the emotional rollercoaster of her giving birth then handing the baby over to me. However, she did get my brain thinking.

If surrogacy is even an option for me I know nothing about it. I don’t even know where to begin. Does insurance cover this? Do I start with a fertility doctor (even though my issue is not infertility) or do I start with my regular doctor? I don’t even know where to begin!

Any advice will be so incredibly helpful!

Reply by Rayven


Surrogacy is not just for those who are deemed “infertile”, it is also for those who have reasons when pregnancy would be ill advised for either mother or child. It sounds as if you fall into this later group.

You would need to talk with your doctor, and possibly see a fertility specialist to see if it is possible for you to use your own eggs, through an egg retrieval, or if it would be best to use donor eggs or a traditional surrogate.

The best possible surrogacy situation is usually one where a sister or another family member is able to be your surrogate. Start with this option.

Your insurance will NOT cover this. All the infertility treatments (ie, the embryo transfer) will need to be paid out of pocket, along with all other fees (attorney, surrogacy fee if not using your sister, possibly agency fees, day-to-day pregnancy expenses, etc). The medical bills for the pregnancy itself will need to be covered by your surrogate’s insurance company (unless specifically excluded, in which case you will need to obtain another policy for her or pay out of pocket).

You will have more questions. For a step by step list of things you need to do to get started in surrogacy, see Step by Step Checklist

Best wishes.

Posted in Ask a Surrogate.