I want to be a surrogate but have never been pregnant?

Surrogacy-Quote-51by Ashleigh

It started out when my sister started having trouble getting pregnant. I told her that if it came down to it, I would be a surrogate for her. And I’ve always wanted to be a surrogate- to help families who can’t have children on their own. But everything I read says a surrogate has to have been pregnant before, and I haven’t. Is that the only option? What if my sister wanted me specifically to be her surrogate? I don’t think it’s fair when I know I want to do this, but a stupid issue of me having never been pregnant is stopping that. Mostly I want to know if doing it for my sister is an exception.

Reply by Rayven
The short answer to your question is yes, they would probably (though not definitely) make an exception for sisters.

However, coming from someone experienced in surrogacy, I would never under any circumstances recommend it. I personally feel that it is an incredible (and unnecessary) risk.

Why? First, anything can happen in surrogacy. It is not uncommon for a surrogate mother to go through complications that make it impossible for her to ever have more children. If you have not completed your own family, then you may be looking at getting a surrogate yourself down the road.

And think about it. How would your sister feel if while attempting to help her, you lost the ability to ever have a child of your own?

Then there is the fact that this entire process is extremely expensive, and as you have not had children of your own, you could be facing fertility issues yourself. There is no way to know until you go through the process.

Think about this. How would YOU feel if your sister spend tens of thousands of dollars, or more, attempting to have you carry for her, only to find out that you, yourself were incapable? And what if she was financially unable to find another surrogate to do it again?

And then there is the fact that you really have absolutely no clue how you will feel about the baby once it is born. There have been situations where a sister has carried for her sister or brother and decided to keep the baby instead. It destroys a family.

These are just a few of the concerns. For these reasons, a surrogacy agency and most IVF clinics will not accept women who have not had successful prior pregnancies as surrogates. Because you are not going through an agency, its not quite the same, which leaves you room to stretch the rules.

I personally would absolutely never consider it. You need to complete your own family first.

Can I be pregnant for my baby and a surrogate baby at the same time?

Surrogacy-Quote-85Hello, my cousin has asked me to be a surrogate for her. However, I’ve never had any children of my own and am wondering if it would be possible for me to have a multiple pregnancy (one from her egg and husbands sperm and one from my own egg and husband’s sperm). Thank you.

Reply by Rayven
You do not qualify to become a surrogate mother at this time. Period. What you are suggesting, if you could find a doctor to do it, would be a logistical nightmare.

First, the costs of going through two IVF retrievals and then the transfer would be very prohibitive. Who would pay for your treatment? Your cousin? Or you, who doesn’t need it? Are you willing to spend thousands of dollars out of your own pocket to get pregnant for your own child when you most likely can do it for free?

Next, what happens when the children are born? You’d have to wait for DNA testing to figure out which baby was your own.

Or worse, what happens if only one embryo takes? You’d have to wait for DNA testing after the baby was born to figure out who gets a baby and who does not. And again, who pays for all this? Say your child survived and your cousin’s did not. Does she pay the tens of thousands of dollars for surrogacy only to have you become a mother in the end?

And then there are the inherent risks of multiples. A lot can go wrong!

Which leads me back to the reasons why a woman who has never had her own children does not qualify to become a surrogate mother:

1. She runs the risk of losing her reproductive ability while helping someone else, causing her to never be able to have her own children. Not only must a woman have had her own children first to become a surrogate mother, she should be DONE having her own children, in case complications occur making it impossible for her to ever conceive again.

2. Especially in a situation like this with so much uncertainty, a woman who has never been pregnant and does not have her own children is not able to determine the emotions she will feel at birth.

3. A woman who has never had her own children has an unproven fertility history. She could have trouble conceiving, or simply be unable to conceive herself. Intended parents would spend tens of thousands of dollars to find this out.

No, this situation would absolutely not work. It would be expensive, and honestly, probably heartbreaking in the end. Wait until you have completed your family before becoming a surrogate for your cousin.

Best wishes!

Being a surrogate for my best friend and biological father…

Surrogacy-Quote-35by Beth
(Hagerstown, MD, USA)

My best friend (who is 10 yrs older than me) has been trying to have a baby for 4 yrs now with no success. She miscarried last year at about 8 weeks (if not a little earlier). She is now having female issues which will probably prevent her from carrying. My question is: Can I be her surrogate? This is the thing: she is married to my dad (my biological father). Weird I know. Is it possible for me to carry a child for my dad since we are blood related or would she have to get a sperm donor? I have 2 children already, and I am considering telling her I will carry for her. But, I want to get my ducks in a row before I approach the idea. Thanks.

Reply by Rayven


It is very common for one family member to carry a baby via surrogacy for another family member. Here’s how it would work:

Option A: Gestational Surrogacy
Your friend’s egg and your father’s sperm

Option B: Gestational Surrogacy
An egg donor’s egg and your father’s sperm

Option C: Traditional Surrogacy
Your egg and a sperm donor’s sperm

With the third option, you would be the biological mother of the child.

What you cannot do is have you be the biological mother and use your father’s sperm.

So as you can see, you do have a few choices with this. Best wishes!


Being a surrogate for my sister

Surrogacy-Quote-107by Stephanie

I am currently researching everything I can to see of being a gestational surrogate for my sister is something I can do. She has had 4 miscarriages in the past 2 years, this last one at 20 weeks. She cannot carry a baby to term. I have had two healthy boys and at first blush thought this is something I could do for them. However, after doing my due diligence it is a lot more involved than I ever imagined and A LOT more expensive. I have gone through your questions, a lot anyway, but they are all a little different from our situation. We live in Florida, so I know it is legal at least. Thank you for your site and your time. This is a HUGE decision and want to ensure we have all the answers we could possibly get. Thanks again. =)

  • Are there any possible long-term side effects to the medications I would have to take as the surrogate?
  • What can I except while on the medications?
  • What is the timeframe from first visit to a doctor to implantation?

What would the cost be, assuming my insurance would cover a surrogate pregnancy, and of there was no compensation or lawyers fees (I would not accept a dime and my father in law just so happens to be a lawyer)? So, it would be just the medical expenses for IVF and hopefully pregnancy/delivery).

Thank you again, so much.

Reply by Rayven

Your questions are prime examples of things I am unable to answer.

Your medical questions should be answered, in full, by your IVF clinic. I have no idea what the timing will be in your situation. I’ve had it take a couple weeks, I’ve had it take months and months. It depends on your clinic.

As far as if there are long-term side effects to your meds, yes, there can be. Again, specific interactions, side effects, and long-term results will need to be examined for each medication you are on, and will need to be discussed at length with your doctor.

What can you expect on medication? Expect to give yourself 1,2, or 3 shots every single day for months. Expect mood swings. Expect weight gain. Expect to hate it. But beyond that, I can only tell you to go over your protocol with your doctor. Each clinic gives different medications/combinations. And yes, there will be multiple medications, oral, injections, and usually vaginal suppositories.

And the costs? You’ll have to find out what your insurance pays for and will not pay for in a pregnancy. My son cost $5 from the time I was pregnant until my postpartum visit. I’ve had surrogacy journeys run around $6,000 with no complications. Check your policy.

And the clinic costs? Ask them. I do not know their rates. Check around with local clinics in your area. Find out the fees. Make sure you ask for estimates of the costs for medications as well.

If these are your only questions left about surrogacy, then you’ve really done your homework! And you’ve probably exhausted the resources of this website.

Best wishes on your journey!


We’re not rich but would like to do surrogacy

Surrogacy-Quote-57My boyfriend and me are wanting to have a baby, and we can’t afford 50k for a surrogate. Is there any way to find someone professionally to have my baby?

Please no offensive comments toward this, I know that I should be rich to have a child in this country. To me, love is always the key to bringing up great children. My parents weren’t rich and I grew up happy and grateful. Thank you for your help and replies. -Aiden

Reply by Rayven

We have a joke in our home. Whenever my daughter starts a sentence with “no offense”, whatever comes out of her mouth next is usually highly insulting. And your comments about wanting someone “professional” and “knowing you must be rich to have a child” would be very insulting to anyone who has made the sacrifices to become a surrogate mother, myself included.

Having said that, I think you are a little confused on how surrogacy works, and how much it costs. A surrogate mother typically does not get paid $50K. Surrogacy itself costs about that much (estimated, costs vary due to many varied circumstances) with the fee to a surrogate included.

If you are looking to save money on surrogacy, you need to find an altruistic surrogate; perhaps a relative or close family friend who would have a baby for you without taking a fee.

Or go with a traditional surrogate.

Or donate your own eggs to fund surrogacy.

Or don’t go through an agency.

As you can see, there are many different options, and nearly every set of intended parents are NOT rich. They sacrifice to become parents. They save for years, they don’t take vacations, they don’t drive fancy cars, they save every last penny they have to do this, usually after spending tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments.

It’s not cheap, it’s not for everyone, but it is certainly not the surrogate’s fault! A typical first time surrogate will receive $18-22K in compensation, a far cry from $50k.

And a word of caution; don’t refer to a surrogate as a “professional”. It implies that she is in it for the money, when surrogates really aren’t. There’s just not enough money to be going thorough this situation for that.

Do some research, weight your options, come up with a plan, and follow it. If it’s something you really desire in life, you can do it.

Best wishes!