Complete Your Own Family Before Becoming a Surrogate

Surrogacy-Quote-93Are you considering taking the steps to become a surrogate mother? Do you feel as though you have completed your own family? If your answer to this last question is a no, I don’t recommend that you become a surrogate. Read on to find out why.

Deciding to become a surrogate mother is a grand thing to do. It is an act of sacrifice that you make to help another family by helping them to build their family. However, you should make sure that before you help another family complete their family, that your own family is complete.

Let’s face it – every pregnancy could involve risks. One unfortunate result of pregnancy can be infertility. Some women lose their uterus. Others are informed by their doctors that to become pregnant again could pose a serious threat to their life. And often, there was no prior indicator that this would be the case. The woman was perfectly healthy. The same can happen with surrogacy pregnancies.

I hate to sound melodramatic, but the honest truth that any pregnancy that a surrogate mother achieves may end up being her last. She could experience complications that lead to a hysterectomy. She could have an incorrectly performed c-section that renders her unable to carry another child. Although it is not the norm, the possibility is still there. So imagine the pain that the surrogate mother would feel if she was then unable to complete her own family. If you have already completed your family, this may be a risk you are more willing to take. However, if you have not, I would urge you to reconsider.

Sometimes, women who have not yet competed their families before becoming a surrogate find themselves in a position where they are having to use a surrogate themselves due to pregnancy complications. This can be avoided by one simple measure – wait until you are sure that you do not want any more children of your own before you become a surrogate. In fact, many intended parents prefer surrogate mothers who have already finished building their families for this reason. They don’t want to have to deal with the guilt if someone was rendered infertile in their quest to help their family. It also may help to ease the intended parents minds when it comes to the surrogate having second thought during birth. Knowing that the surrogate mother will not feel as though they are missing out by giving the child to the intended parent can allay any doubts the intended parents may have. Especially if the surrogate is a traditional surrogate as opposed to a gestational surrogate in which the child is not biologically hers.

Surrogacy agencies generally prefer those who want to become a surrogate mother to be finished with building the families before pursuing surrogacy. As you can see, it makes sense for this to be a requirement. So, my advice to anyone who wants to become a surrogate mother is to make sure that you do not want to have any more children over your own before you commit.

Posted in Ask a Surrogate.