by Angela Arcila
(new york)
any surrogacy centers that are reliable and can be trusted?
how long after the birth process will the baby separate from the surrogate mom and be given to the biological mom?
my biggest fear is that after all the process is completed the surrogate mom may want to keep the baby even if the baby isnot biologically connected to her. Can this happen?
Reply by Rayven
As far as surrogacy clinics go, this is a decision you will need to make depending on where you live, where your surrogate lives, what clinics you are comfortable with, etc.
As to your other concerns, they are understandable in an intended parent. Let me tell you about how it works in America (NOT Great Britain), in Gestational Surrogacy, in states where surrogacy is legal.
First off, if you have a good attorney draw up your contract, and the baby is born in a state where surrogacy is legal, it would be nearly impossible for the surrogate mother to suddenly decide to keep the child and legally be allowed to do so. I say nearly impossible, because if there was a concern about the safety of the home the baby was going to (for example, other children in the intended parent’s home had been removed by child services, etc) then the baby might not come home with the intended parents. But even then, it is likely that the baby would not go home with the surrogate either, but would be placed in state care.
Though this is a big concern for most intended parents, it is actually much more common for intended parents to decide they don’t want the baby and leave him for the surrogate to deal with! (Yes, this has happened!)
It is very, very rare for a surrogate to “change her mind” and decide to keep a surrogate baby. In the event that she does, she might be able to take the child from the hospital, but legally and biologically, the child is yours, and the courts would side with you. This is not adoption; a surrogate does not have the same rights. In fact, she has no legal rights to the child at all. Would it be messy? Yes. A legal battle? Perhaps. But the child is yours.
The baby is not “taken” from the surrogate in the hospital. In most situations, the hospital is aware of what is happening and the intended parents are in the delivery room (though this is up to the surrogate in ALL situations). When born, the intended parents are allowed to cut the cord, and are the first to hold the baby. Often, the hospital has provided a separate room for the new parents to room in with their baby, so they have immediate parentship of the child. In some situations, the hospital is not as informed, and the intended parents hang out with the surrogate or keep the baby in the nursery until he has been released.
Some states will allow you to be placed on the birth certificate immediately, and in the hospital you are legally the parents. Other states require the surrogate to be on the birth certificate until it is later changed in court, and she personally has to sign the baby out of the hospital.
I know this is all very scary right now. I cannot even pretend to imagine what it must feel like to have gone through years of infertility and suddenly have to trust a virtual stranger to care for the most important thing in your life. What intended parents have to do to become parents is very humbling to a surrogate. My suggestion to you is to take your time matching, find someone you feel you can trust, and if these concerns keep cropping up in your mind, find an experienced surrogate who has done this before. Knowing she has experience giving back a baby can go a long way towards easing these feelings.
Best wishes!