is it normal to get cold feet before becoming a surrogate mum?

i have been planning to become a traditional surrogate mum for quite some time.. and now the day is finally here and i think i mite be having 2nd thoughts.. i have been looking forward to being a surrogate mum so i don’t know where these feelings r coming from. i know i still want to do it, but i keep asking myself if i will regret it or if something will go wrong. i guess i’m just asking has anyone else had these feelings before becoming a surrogate mum? is it normal? and did u go through with it? thanks, any advice will help heaps!!

Reply by Rayven
Becoming a traditional surrogate mother is huge. Unlike women like me who are gestational surrogates, a traditional surrogate mother gives her own eggs, her own actual baby to the intended parents to raise. It is most definitely NOT for everyone.

It is very important at this stage, so soon before your attempts begin, that you have someone to talk to. Do you have close friends who would understand if you talked this thing through? Or perhaps a medical professional? Counseling should be covered by your intended parents in your contract. If it is unclear, speak to your attorney about it.

Do not go into this with these feelings. See if they can be worked out, and if not, maybe surrogacy is not right for you. Yes, it would be uncomfortable to get to this point in a journey and change your mind, but it is preferable that you do so now, and not while pregnant with someone else’s baby.

Many surrogate mothers DO regret it. And unfortunately, this is not something you can go back and change after its done.

On a personal note, I have never had any cold feet, never felt an instant’s hesitation with any part of the process. But then, I am a gestational surrogate. Traditional surrogacy is very very different.

You need to talk with someone. Please do so.

Best wishes to you!

Posted in Ask a Surrogate.