What is the worst part in your opinion?

by clarissa
(loveland, co , US)

Surrogacy seems so wonderfull by all who talk about it. But I want to know about the Con’s to it because it cant be perfect. So what are the bad things? So I can make a full concious decition knowing the cons.

Reply by Rayven
Clarissa,

You’re very right. Not everything is sunshine and roses in surrogacy. Overall, if you go into it for the right reasons, and you make the right match, it can be a wonderful experience. But several factors can make it horrible as well.

First, matching with the right couple is paramount. Do not jump into a situation without knowing your intended parents or surrogate mother thoroughly. Find someone who feels the same way you do about issues that are important to you, watch for red flags, and do not compromise on things that you feel strongly about. That is the absolute best way to avoid disaster.

Things that go wrong: sometimes intended parents “forget” to pay medical bills, leaving a surrogate mother with hundreds or thousands of dollars in bills in her name, on her credit.

Sometimes personalities change after a pregnancy is achieved or a baby is born. Parents that are happy and open and generous become demanding, restrictive, and jealous.

Sometimes despite trying again and again and doing everything “right”, a pregnancy is simply not achieved. Sometimes there are miscarriages, sometimes there are stillborns.

Sometimes intended parents and surrogates do not feel it necessary to think about selective reduction, and then find themselves in a situation where it happens.

I could tell you a hundred horror stories, things like surrogates declaring bankruptcy, intended parents having to fight for months in court for their own children, intended mothers telling surrogates that the baby has died so they don’t have to let her visit, parents leaving babies at the hospital because they changed their minds.

But for every bad story, there are a thousand good ones.

Like everything in life, there is risk. But the rewards are great, and there are steps you can take to help prevent these bad things from happening to you. Namely, making a good match for the right reasons, and getting your own attorney who will represent you.

Best wishes!

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Posted in Ask a Surrogate.