Nehemiah – Induced Child Birth Story

by Ashley W.

My son Nehemiah was supposed to be born on November 15, 2008 but I decided that I wanted him to come earlier. By my ninth month my feet were swollen, my back was aching and I was ready to give birth.

So, on our last doctors appointment I told my doctor to schedule me to get induced the next week. After waiting and waiting and being extra nervous, 4:30 Thursday morning I was up and ready to head to the hospital.

After we checked in and I got settled into my 12 1/2 hour bed, the nurses were ready to do their job. She asked me if I wanted to feel the pain or get druged up. I told her to give me all the drugs you got but make sure it doesn’t affect my baby. The medicine that she gave me would induce my labor and cause me to have contractions. So, I was really preparing for that.

I had to wait until I was 4 centimeters dialated before I could get a epidural. The time came when the contractions were about to hit me hard. The first one came and I took it like a champ! The second one came and I was crying like a baby so the nurse came in and druged me up. I felt really good after that.

While we were waiting for me to be fully dialated, all I did was sleep and eat ice. The time seem like it was going so slow. About 4 hours before I gave birth, it was time to get my epidural. This was the most scariest part for me because I knew I had to feel pain. So, they cleared everyone out and it was just me and two nurses.

I had to be very still. After they got me prepared, it was time for them to put the needle in my spine. It hurt so bad but at least I wasn’t going to feel any pain.

Finally, at 5:30pm I was ready to go, in 33 more minutes I would be holding my son. It was time to start pushing. I pushed and pushed and pushed and my baby kept going back in. The doctor said, push and count to ten then stop. The baby heart rate was dropping everytime he went back in. That made me really nervous but also made me want to get this pushing right. So, I got it together after 33 minutes and my son came out crying.

It was a sound I was dying to hear for 9 months! I was so happy to see him! What was so surprising about our son is that he was so small, 6lbs 3oz, we thought he was going to be much bigger than that.

The doctor laid him on my chest and the feeling was so amazing. Tears of joy! They took him and cleaned him up and made sure everything was okay with him. They let him stay in the room with us for about 3 hours and I just couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

Nehemiah is my first and only child and I didn’t have any complications with him. The whole experience was smooth sailing. The birth of my child is an experience I will never forget!


Can you be considered a canidate to be a surrogate mother if you have had a miscarriage?

by Rachel M.

My sister has had many miscarriages and one successful pregnancy. She is just about to turn 40 and she has been trying to have another baby for years now with no success. I am 28 years old and I have a child and have had one miscarriage. I wanted to extend the offer to be a surrogate mother for her but I’m wondering if, because of my miscarriage, I would be considered a viable option.
Thank you,
Rachel M.

Reply by Rayven

Having one miscarriage and going on to have subsequent children is very common. Personally, I lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks. I went on to have two full-term, healthy children, and my two surrogacy pregnancies, a full-term set of twins as well as a full-term singleton.

If you have only had one miscarriage, this will not affect your ability to become a surrogate mother for your sister. Its when you have had 3-4 miscarriages that it would become a problem.

Best wishes!

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Pros and Cons to a Surrogacy Agency

If you have considered pursuing surrogacy as an option for bringing a child into this world –whether you are planning to be the surrogate mother or the intended parents, one of the first decisions you will have to make will be whether you will go through a surrogate agent or whether you will take the independent route. First of all, let me say that there is correct answer to this question. Which option you choose is the one that you feel best meets your unique needs. Read on to learn about some of the pros and cons to working with a surrogacy agency.

Pro #1: Surrogacy agencies will handle the matching for you.
One of the primary tasks of a surrogacy agency is to ensure that they find the best possible match between the surrogates and the intended parents. This process, when navigated independently, can be very arduous and overwhelming. By working with a surrogacy agency, you would not have to dedicate as much time and energy to this task.

Pro #2: Surrogacy agencies are highly experienced
Surrogacy can be a stressful thing to go through, especially for first-timers. By working with an experienced surrogacy agency, you get the opportunity to benefit from their experience – whether you are the surrogate mother or the intended parents.

Pro #3: Surrogacy agencies will handle setting up appointments
The vast amounts of paperwork, testing, and appointments required for a surrogacy can be overwhelming. If you work with a surrogacy agency, they help you with all of that. This is likely to at least reduce your stress levels and give you more confidence that things are being done properly.

Pro #4: The surrogacy agencies will handle all discussions about compensation
Let’s face it, talking about money can be an uncomfortable thing. Especially in a surrogacy situation. By having the surrogacy agency serve as a mediator in these discussions, you are likely to come to a reasonable decision with your surrogate partner and establish a surrogacy contract that everyone can live with.

Pro #5: The surrogacy agencies would take care of escrow
In surrogacy situations, it is often beneficial and wise to have a third party to handle all of the financial transactions. This is where surrogacy agencies come into play. They would be the ones that take care of all payments, as well as any necessary reimbursements.

Con #1: Surrogacy agencies are pricey
If you are going to pursue this option, be prepared to spend thousands of dollars. When added to the cost of the surrogacy itself, this price tag may be more than many people can afford.

Con #2: Surrogacy agencies have strict policies.
Be sure that the policies of the surrogacy agency are ones that you can live with. Do not expect for them to be open for negotiation. If you are against a policy, you should probably consider a different option.

Con #3: Some surrogacy agencies prove to be biased
Whether it is intentional or not, some surrogacy agencies may operate based on a bias. They may side with either the intended parents (who are the ones with the money) or with the surrogate mother (especially if the owner has served as a surrogate mother).

When it comes to surrogacy, every one’s journey is unique. As I said before, there is no right or wrong choice.

What is the worst part in your opinion?

by clarissa
(loveland, co , US)

Surrogacy seems so wonderfull by all who talk about it. But I want to know about the Con’s to it because it cant be perfect. So what are the bad things? So I can make a full concious decition knowing the cons.

Reply by Rayven

You’re very right. Not everything is sunshine and roses in surrogacy. Overall, if you go into it for the right reasons, and you make the right match, it can be a wonderful experience. But several factors can make it horrible as well.

First, matching with the right couple is paramount. Do not jump into a situation without knowing your intended parents or surrogate mother thoroughly. Find someone who feels the same way you do about issues that are important to you, watch for red flags, and do not compromise on things that you feel strongly about. That is the absolute best way to avoid disaster.

Things that go wrong: sometimes intended parents “forget” to pay medical bills, leaving a surrogate mother with hundreds or thousands of dollars in bills in her name, on her credit.

Sometimes personalities change after a pregnancy is achieved or a baby is born. Parents that are happy and open and generous become demanding, restrictive, and jealous.

Sometimes despite trying again and again and doing everything “right”, a pregnancy is simply not achieved. Sometimes there are miscarriages, sometimes there are stillborns.

Sometimes intended parents and surrogates do not feel it necessary to think about selective reduction, and then find themselves in a situation where it happens.

I could tell you a hundred horror stories, things like surrogates declaring bankruptcy, intended parents having to fight for months in court for their own children, intended mothers telling surrogates that the baby has died so they don’t have to let her visit, parents leaving babies at the hospital because they changed their minds.

But for every bad story, there are a thousand good ones.

Like everything in life, there is risk. But the rewards are great, and there are steps you can take to help prevent these bad things from happening to you. Namely, making a good match for the right reasons, and getting your own attorney who will represent you.

Best wishes!

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What’s Hot – Landmark Surrogacy Case in Ireland

A landmark decision was reached in Ireland that is sure to have a rippling effect for others. Sometime in January, a case was brought before the court concerning the rights of genetic mother’s whose children were born via surrogacy. In this case, the genetic mother of a child born via surrogacy, went to court to be listed as the child’s mother on the birth certificate. According to reports, she is the genetic mother of twins who were carried by a surrogate. The surrogate, who was in fact her sister, carried the twins following In-Vitro Fertilization treatments with embryo’s using the woman’s eggs and her husband’s sperm. The twins have lived with their genetic parents since birth.

In 2010, the genetic parents took the steps to have their children’s birth certificates corrected. Their goal was to have the genetic mother legally recognized as such on their children’s birth certificate. However, they were met with resistance. The genetic mother petitioned the chief registrar of births, deaths, and marriages to have her sister’s name taken off the birth certificate and replaced with her own so that she could be legally recognized as the children’s mother. However, the registrar – Kieran Feely—denied this request. He had been told by his predecessor how to deal with surrogacy issues and that the outcome was always that the person who is listed as the birth mother on the birth certificate is the one who officially gave birth to the child. He persisted with this decision despite being presented with DNA evidence and a letter from a clinic, confirming the children’s genetic mother was not the same person who had given birth to them.

Feely felt as though he had no legal basis to change the information on the birth certificates basing it on the principle of “Mater certa simper est” which essentially means that motherhood is certain. He argued that bringing genetics into play would simply cause confusion and possibly create a financial burden. When confronted with the rationale that perhaps maternity (in the cases of surrogacy) should be treated much the same as paternity – something that has to be proven. His response was that maternity is a fact, whereas paternity is a presumption. The mother, however, persisted in her pursuit by taking the case to the High Court in Dublin.

The Government held that the Irish Constitution outlines a definition of the birth mother and that this definition cannot be altered, citing the same principle the motherhood is always certain. Justice Henry Abbott, the overseer of the case, disagreed and cited that the definition only applies to the child while it was still in the womb. His ruling was that the genetic mother was entitled to be listed as the birth mother on the twins’ birth certificates

The genetic mother is reportedly very happy with the outcome of this landmark case. This case now gives hope to at least 200 other mothers in Ireland who utilized a surrogate to bring their genetic children into the world. It is hoped by many that this case will shed some much needed light on this issue and force legislative action to be taken on a grander scale to secure the rights of genetic mothers.

However, this may not be the last that we hear of this case as the Government has 21 days to appeal this decision and it is believed that most likely will do so.