Surrogate Parenthood – How Intended Parents View Commercial Surrogacy

Surrogate parenthood has different viewpoints. Here we examine commercial surrogacy from the viewpoints of the intended parents, that is, the couple contracting for the surrogate pregnancy. The viewpoints may vary depending on the unique surrogacy issues pertaining to their situation.

Note: The term “surrogate parenthood” is a term used by those looking at surrogacy from the outside, or those brand new to surrogacy in reference to intended parents. For the correct “industry” jargon, see Surrogacy Acronyms.

With commercial surrogacy, as with every other walk of life, there are different types of people involved. Viewpoints differ, lifestyles differ, religions, moral issues, and cultures differ in surrogacy just as they do in your local neighborhood.

What this means is that different sets of intended parents view surrogate pregnancy and surrogate parenthood differently. And for each viewpoint, there is a different sort of surrogate mother to match with them.

For the most part, intended parents getting started in surrogate parenthood fall into two different groups.

A Close Friend

On average, most intended parents view commercial surrogacy and surrogate parenthood as the gift that it is.

They are thankful and appreciative of the wonderful surrogate mother who is helping them make their dreams come true.

They realize the sacrifice that is made by their surrogate mother, and love her deeply.

These intended parents treat their surrogate mother as though she is a valued friend, or a sister.

They want to spend extra time with their surrogate mother and her family. They get to know her husband and children, remember their birthdays, and want to stay in contact after the birth of the surrogate babies.

They show her respect, and expect respect in return.
Some intended parents are very vocal or visual about this appreciation, while others keep it to themselves. A surrogate mother who wants to have a Grand Friendship, and form a strong, lasting relationship with her intended parents should seek out these sort of people to match with. This kind of match would be perfect for the surrogate who wants to receive regular pictures and updates of the surrogate babies she has delivered.

This match would also be appropriate for those who are not looking for a Grand Friendship, but are simply looking to do a great deed, or to give the gift of surrogacy. This type of viewpoint on surrogate parenthood makes for a wonderful surrogate journey.

An Employee

Other intended parents view surrogacy as a sort of employee/employer relationship. They feel they have hired a surrogate, rented a womb, and are paying a surrogate for her services. They feel she is a contracted employee, and is profiting from surrogacy.

They are usually not emotionally attached to the surrogate mother or the surrogate pregnancy in any way.

These intended parents are not in any way uncaring; they just view commercial surrogacy differently from the first group.

It could be that these intended parents have tried surrogacy before utilizing the first method of how intended parents view surrogacy, but have preciously gotten hurt, or scammed.

It could be that they come from a high-profile background and may even be looking for a closed surrogacy, which is where the surrogate mother never actually meets the intended parents. (This is extremely rare in commercial surrogacy.)

It might even be that the intended parents are simply used to this sort of situation through their current lifestyle and work commitments. It’s important to realize that though this sort of situation does not work in most surrogate arrangements, there are people where this works out for the best.

A surrogate mother who is not concerned with or would prefer not to have a friendship evolve with her intended parents may choose this route. An experienced surrogate who would like to give the gift of surrogacy again, but who feels that this type of arrangement might work out best for her family would also be a good candidate.

Surrogate mothers who choose this route need to know in advance that the surrogate parenthood relationship with her intended parents will be very distant, perhaps cold, and very “by the books”. She would most likely not remain in contact with the surrogate babies after the journey.

When Things Go Bad

Occasionally, due to misunderstandings that get out of control or a surrogate who does not respect her intended parents, or worse, takes advantage of them, some intended parents cross from the first group into the second one.

Surrogacy is a two way road. A surrogate mother should never try to take advantage of her intended parents, and vice versa. When respect is lost between any of the parties, the journey goes sour in a hurry.

Feelings are hurt, emotions become overbearing, and confusion happens. Sometimes, surrogacy issues occur when the intended parents or the surrogates become concerned that they did not do the right thing by even considering surrogacy. Often, these surrogacy issues can be overcome by having a heart-to-heart talk, or by engaging a mediator.

A switch in how the intended parents view surrogacy may also happen occasionally when an intended parent, usually the intended mother, finds herself dealing with jealousy towards the surrogate that she did not expect. She may suddenly feel anxious, or depressed because she is not the one carrying her child. When this happens, she naturally withdraws from her surrogate, and the journey. If this happens, a surrogate should not take it personally.


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