Learn the true facts about surrogacy: not every journey is perfect.
There are several pros and cons for surrogacy, the biggest con probably being that many, in their quest for finding or becoming a surrogate mother, ignore red flags and other surrogacy issues, and put themselves into a very bad situation.
Learn the warning signs so that you can avoid a negative surrogacy journey.
I’d like to tell you that every surrogacy journey is perfect.
I’d like to tell you that every potential surrogate or intended parent you meet is the perfect person to match with, but that wouldn’t be the truth.
When finding or becoming a surrogate mother and meeting your potential match in person, it is very important that you look for things that don’t add up, and do not jump into a situation with your emotions that you might later regret.
Read Rayven’s Surrogacy Nightmare
Facts About Surrogacy: Red Flags
Let’s be truthful on the facts about surrogacy.
It is important for each potential surrogate and set of intended parents to be on the look-out for “Red Flags”.
This means anything that stands out in your mind as odd.
This could be as simple as a personality conflict.
It could be a feeling that someone was not being completely honest about surrogacy issues.
It could just be a vague sense of unease.
Whatever the cause for concern, you need to take these feelings seriously, and not let emotions get in the way of common sense and logic. Weigh the pros and cons for surrogacy. If you feel uneasy about a potential match, WALK AWAY NOW.
It is much easier to say you are simply not interested at the initial meeting than to get to the contract stage and change your mind. But even if you are at the contract stage, if that feeling follows you, leave the situation before a pregnancy is achieved.
There are many different surrogacy issues that may cause you concern.
Facts About Surrogacy: Personality Conflicts
There are some types of personalities that simply do not get along with one another, those are just facts about surrogacy. If you, or your spouse, has one of these types of personalities, you probably know what I mean. Some people are a little more forceful or overbearing, especially in person, than others are used to.
If you feel that you cannot deal with the personality of a potential surrogate mother or intended parent, then walk now.
Likewise, when a surrogate mother and an intended parent both have the same “take-charge” personality, there can be a clash. Keep this in mind when finding or becoming a surrogate mother.
Facts About Surrogacy: Wanting it Too Bad
Very often, either the surrogate mother or the intended parents lead with their emotions and want to get started in surrogacy too bad.
They attempt to convince the other party that they are the perfect solution without respecting their own convictions.
For instance, a gestational surrogate mother might know in her heart that she will never have a selective reduction.
But, when the intended parents bring up these surrogacy issues in person, not wanting to disagree with them, she might say something like, “Oh, I’d do whatever you were comfortable with.”
She may figure that it will not happen to her, so she doesn’t need to worry about it.
This is a horrible idea.
The fact of the matter is, these situations do happen, and it can happen to anyone.
I do not believe that people who display this sort of overly agreeable behavior do so on purpose, or do so to deceive the other party. Rather, I think the person who does this is deceiving themselves. They become so desperate to get started on a journey that they forget to take their time to make sure they are doing it right.
If you feel that the surrogate or intended parents you are interviewing are too agreeable, and defer to you to make all the decisions, this may be a red flag that the match is too good to be true.
Facts About Surrogacy: Deception
Unfortunate facts about surrogacy: as with all other walks of life, the surrogacy community has people in it that are out to deceive, scam, and take advantage of other people.
Trust your gut if you feel something is out of place with the potential surrogate mother or intended parents you are meeting.
Do not be afraid to ask for the ability to do a background check on the surrogate AND the intended parents.
If you are going to be involved in such an intimate situation, you have the right to have all the facts, and the pros and cons for surrogacy, before becoming committed.
Facts About Surrogacy: Behavior
This is probably the biggest area of red flags involving surrogacy issues. It’s easy to sound good on the phone or email, but when you meet in person, behavioral red flags are easy to spot.
- A surrogate states no one in her home smokes, yet there is an odor of stale cigarette smoke about her
- The intended mother says her husband is on board with the surrogacy, yet he seems very cool and reserved at the meeting, or is not there at all
- A surrogate treats her children badly in public
- An intended father is rude or patronizing to his wife
- A surrogate’s husband makes it clear he does not want to participate in the surrogacy
These things are just examples, of course. Each situation is different.
If it seems like the potential intended parents or surrogate are acting weird or even if you just have a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach, now is the time to walk away. Do not feel bad about hurting someone else’s feelings. It is better to break ties in the beginning than to find yourself in a sticky situation later.
- Visit our Surrogacy Classified Ads Board
- The Surrogacy Interview
- Questions for Surrogates
- Questions for Intended Parents
- Meeting in Person