Surrogate Questions?


My wife and i are considering our options to start our family. I love kids and knew when i got into the relationship that she did not want to go through natural birth. I understand her side as her mother got diabetes from giving birth and my wife is scared to death of experiencing the same thing that she has seen and experienced through her mother. We are financially stable but are unsure of what costs are involved with this process. So i guess my questions are because my wife is fertile do we qualify? How do you select/find a surrogate mother? This website has made me much more comfortable with the surrogates but can i have some confirmation in terms of the screening process? Forgive my ignorance but how does this process work so that the child is actually biologically of my wife and me? Thanks so much…

Reply by Rayven

In most states, you do not have to qualify to become intended parents via surrogacy. Some states, however, such as Florida, do require you to have documented reasons why you are in need of a surrogate mother. Just “because” would not be a good enough reason for surrogacy in those states. You will need to consult with a surrogacy attorney in your particular state to determine these rules.

Many women have gestational diabetes while pregnant. Some are surrogates. This is usually a pregnancy-only condition that while not comfortable, is certainly survivable.

The costs with gestational surrogacy, which would be what you are looking for if you want your own biological child, start at around $35,000-40,000 on the very low side and can run upwards of $100,000+ per journey. This is taking into account all fees; surrogate, clinic, lawyer, etc.

If you are looking for a “screened” surrogate, I would suggest going with one of the hundreds of agencies around the country. They can match you with one that meets your needs.

Now for the bad news. If your wife is afraid (for lack of better words) of the pregnancy, wait until she learns what is required for the egg retrieval!

In order for her to have her own biological child via surrogacy, she will have to go through weeks and weeks of giving herself daily injections. These medications will make her feel out of whack, will make her tired, bloated, and uncomfortable. She will then need to go through a medical procedure where an ultrasound guided needed is inserted into the vagina, and the needle goes through the vaginal wall into her ovaries to get her eggs out.

She may end up suffering from a condition called OHSS where fluid leaves your blood stream and ends up in places it shouldn’t, like in your abdomen and around your lungs, leaving you dehydrated, really uncomfortable and might require hospital attention to get drained.

Though the more extreme cases of this are rare, it is quite common to get at least part of this disorder. This is temporary, however.

Honestly, I’d rather be pregnant!

If pregnancy is not for her, and this sounds like too much for her to undergo, I’d suggest looking into gestational surrogacy using an egg donor, or traditional surrogacy. Either way, though she would not be the biological mother, you would be the biological father.

Best wishes!

Posted in Ask a Surrogate.