Can i become a surrogate if i haven’t had children of my own?

Surrogacy-Quote-48by stephanie
(England )

Hi my name is Stephanie and I’m 20 years old, i haven’t had a child of my own but my dream and love is to become a surrogate, for one and only reason to give a family a child that they have always dreamed of. I would like to know how i would do this as i live in England, But in England i cant become a surrogate until i have had a child of my own and im 25 years old. I believe i should choose for my self but i was wondering how i could become a surrogate with all this in hand? xx

Reply by Rayven

(Sorry for the bluntness.)

You can’t. You do not qualify to become a surrogate. Period.

YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN.

I cannot stress this enough. I get this question on these forums at least 2-3 times a week. Most posts get deleted because this question has been answered time and time again. And each time, the woman always feels she is an exception to the rule.

Where you might be a very kindhearted and giving individual, the blunt truth of the matter is, pursuing surrogacy without having had children of your own, is, in fact, very selfish. (And I am not trying to pick on you personally, but to provide an honest answer for everyone with this same question.)

Why selfish?

Well, there are three main reasons that women who have not had children cannot become surrogates. And one main reason why they want to.

Here are the reasons they can’t:

1. No proven fertility
Here’s the thing. Since you have not had children, there is no way to determine if you are even capable of having children yourself. Surrogacy is extremely expensive. Imagine if you will, a couple putting every bit of money they have into the dream that you will be able to carry for them, and then you finding out (at their expense) that you, too, have fertility issues. Now imagine that they cannot afford to do the process a second time.

2. No clue on emotions
The emotions triggered in pregnancy and delivery are different for each mother. Without some clue as to what you will feel, and without your own kids to come home to, there is a possibility that you would become more attached than you realize. THIS HAPPENS A LOT. Even with women who think it could never happen to them. And then what happens? Years of legal battles and custody fights.

3. You may lose your ability to have kids of your own
It happens that some surrogates experience complications. They can lose their ability to every have another child, or even their uterus. It happens. So in an effort to help another family, you could destroy your own.

And the reason most surrogates want to do all this? Most surrogates who want to have a child for someone else cite the joy of helping another family. But when you think about the agony that could be the outcome, the joy pales in comparison. Is your joy worth someone else’s anguish? Or even worth your own?

Again, I am not trying to single you out to be harsh with; I realize you were just asking a question, one that many have asked before, but please believe me when I say that rules are there for a reason, and you do NOT qualify. Explore surrogacy in a few years when you have completed your own family. There will still be plenty of intended parents who need someone at that time.

Best wishes to you (and sorry again for the bluntness).

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Posted in Ask a Surrogate.