How does it feel giving up a surrogate baby?

by Patricia

How does it really feel giving up a surrogate baby? Is it hard? I know I want to do this, but I’m really worried that I will have a hard time when it comes time to give the child up.

Reply by Rayven

You know, a lot of surrogates will downplay this part of surrogacy, but they shouldn’t. The truth of the matter is that it is a different experience for everyone.

For me, I felt not a drop of remorse, sadness, or regret for giving the three children I carried back to their parents. Instead, I was very happy for them, excited, and felt towards the babies the same way you would feel towards a best friend that just had her baby.

I am not an attached person, and knew going in that it would not be a problem. It wasn’t. But I also realize that I am a rare person, and that others feel much differently.

Let’s talk for a moment about the term “give up”. With surrogacy, you are in no way giving up a baby. The baby was never yours to begin with. You are simply giving him back to his parents. A surrogate is a caregiver, not a family member. Just understanding this important point before hand can go a long way towards not feeling any regret over giving the baby back.

Having and relinquishing a surrogate baby is hard, emotionally, for many surrogates. Now, don’t get me wrong, they don’t suddenly decide to keep the child, but some feel remorse or regret for deciding to do it in the first place.

If you feel, right now, that you may find it hard to give back a baby, then surrogacy may not be right for you. Don’t put yourself into a situation where you will have to live with a decision that was bad for you for your entire life. It’s not worth it.

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Posted in Ask a Surrogate.