how can I be sure that my surrogate will take good care of her self and my baby?

by Angela Arcila
(new york)

just wandering on how are the parents able to now for sure that the surrogate mother they’ve choose is careful with her body,no drugs, takes vitamins, etc?

Reply by Rayven
Surrogacy is all about trust. That’s why I stress so much the importance of not jumping into it, or rushing during the matching phase.

The best way to know: don’t sign a contract until you are sure you’ve found the surrogate you can trust.

Find out everything you need to know in the beginning stages. Sure, you know that your surrogate (and you, for that matter) is on her best behavior, but look for the little things. A person who is not responsible will have small, telltale signs of it.

For instance, if she or someone in her home smokes, you should be able to pick up the scent of stale cigarette smoke on her clothing, in her hair, or in her car or home. This could be a sign that she is untrustworthy (if she said no one smokes).

As far as if she is going to do drugs, I’d say that if she is a responsible mother who takes care of her own children (who are in her custody, and appear reasonably healthy, and were not born as “drug babies”) you probably don’t have any cause to worry here.

You could always require drug testing throughout the pregnancy as well as during the matching phase, but be advised that many surrogates will be extremely offended by this. If this is something that you want to do, I would suggest mentioning it early on in the matching phase and getting it into the contract.

Personally, I really don’t feel it is a problem, especially after you get to know your surrogate. Why on earth would you ask someone you don’t trust to carry your child?

As far as taking care of her body, and taking her prenatals, the big thing to remember here is your surrogate has done this before. She has been pregnant, gone through it all, and given birth to at least one healthy child. She knows how to do it. She’ll do it again.

Bottom line, there is no real way to know for sure what your surrogate does when you are not around her. Just like there’s no way to know for sure what your husband is doing when you’re not around him. It is all a matter of trust.

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Posted in Ask a Surrogate.