by Dana Stevenson
(San Bernardino, California, America)
Were there emotional feelings involved?
Did family and friends oppose your decision to be a surrogate?
When people noticed you were pregnant, did you quickly explain your situation?
How long were you able to send with the child after it was born?
Did you have a close relationship with the biological parents?
Does the child know who you are?
Are you able to visit the child, or is this strictly business?
Reply by Rayven
Each surrogacy arrangement is completely different, as is each surrogate mother. I can answer these questions for you, but understand they come from a personal perspective, not a perspective of surrogate mothers at large. Every experience is different.
Did you have trouble giving the child to its biological parents?
None whatsoever. It felt like a very long, very involved babysitting project to me, and the weekend had finally arrived. I was happy to be a part of helping this couple create their family. Never, in the 5 yrs since I first started my first surrogacy journey have I felt sad or bad about the children I have helped into this world.
Were there emotional feelings involved?
I am not an overly emotional person, so in my particular case, while I cared for my surrogate babies and would have done anything to keep them safe, I was not emotionally attached in any way.
Did family and friends oppose your decision to be a surrogate?
Friends were all supportive. My mother was against it in the beginning because she worried about me. I think she irrationally feared that I would die or something. Once we worked through these fears and once she had a chance to meet the twins I gave birth to, she came around. She still is not thrilled that I have done 3 surrogacy journeys, but she is not overly negative anymore.
When people noticed you were pregnant, did you quickly explain your situation?
I am currently pregnant for my third surrogacy. Sometimes I explain, sometimes I don’t, depending on my mood and the situation. If I know I will be seeing these people again, like they are neighbors, I always explain. (They’d just have more questions when there was no baby later.) Often, my husband or kids will do the explaining. My husband thinks its hysterical to tell strangers the baby is not his. He quickly explains that it is a surrogacy, but it is one of his favorite things to do. Men.
How long were you able to spend with the child after it was born?
The twins and the boy I delivered after them were international surrogacy arrangements. In both cases, the parents stayed for several weeks in the US to get the paperwork and their passports arranged. We saw each other 2-3 times per week during that time.
In the hospital, I got to hold them as much as I wanted. With the boy, the parents were not there at the birth and arrived two days later, so he roomed in with me. (I felt like he shouldn’t spend his first couple days on Earth in the nursery, which was an option.)
Did you have a close relationship with the biological parents?
Over time, a close friendship was formed. It did not exist prior to the surrogacy.
Does the child know who you are?
The oldest surrogate babies I have delivered are 4 yrs old. It will be years before they can comprehend how they arrived on this earth.
Are you able to visit the child, or is this strictly business?
As my surrogate babies are international, visiting is really not something that can occur often. We have a “when you’re in town, stop by” arrangement with the parents, which I am sure eventually we will do.