by kristy
(arkansas)
I read that the surrogate has to abstain from sex with their partner for the entire first trimester? Is this really true? If so, why? I’ve had three children of my own and was always told I could have sex as long as I felt like it with those pregnancies. This could be the deal breaker with my husband………
Reply by Rayven
Many surrogates have to do this. Nearly every contract is written where the surrogate will follow the clinic’s instructions on abstaining and in addition, at a minimum, will not have relations with her partner for two weeks prior to and two weeks following the transfer. This is to prevent her from accidentally getting pregnant on her own (and YES, it happens).
The whole “first trimester” thing comes specifically from the IVF clinic, and not all require it (though most do). For me, it was stressed maybe 3-4 times during each journey by the clinic while going over medications and procedures.
It doesn’t really matter what you have experienced with prior pregnancies; IVF is different. They are hoping the embryos will attach, it’s not a foregone conclusion.
And IVF is an expensive medical procedure. The clinic just wants to be extra careful and make sure those babies have the best chance of surviving.
If this is a deal breaker for your husband, then maybe your family is not cut out for surrogacy. (and that’s ok!) This is one of the smaller sacrifices a surrogate family makes for the intended parents and the journey. Annoying, yes, but necessary…all the rules in surrogacy are necessary.
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