by Missy
(Charlotte )

my brother’s new wife can’t have children. i want to know if medically, can i carry a baby for my biological brother. would it be insestial for me to carry my brothers baby? it would of course be her egg and his sperm. i would only carry the baby. is it possible?

Reply by Rayven
Yes, it is completely possible (and common) to act as a gestational surrogate mother for a family member without involving incest.

The baby is the biological child of your brother and his wife, not you and your brother. You being their surrogate would be the same as them having any other surrogate mother.

What would not be possible, and would in fact be incest, is if you were a traditional surrogate mother for them, using his sperm and your eggs.

You are a wonderful sister for considering this for them!

Best wishes.

Hi, I am currently a surrogate carrying twins for my cousin and her husband and due to have a c section next week, what I’m wanting to know is once the babies are born and if everything is ok will they just be allowed to leave the hospital with there intended parents? Obviously I will have to stay in the hospital to recover from the c section but I wouldn’t want the babies staying with me for nearly 3 days if it can be helped??? I’m just a bit curious to know if there’s any legalities that were going to come across???

Reply by Rayven
Your lawyer should have filed your prebirth order and/or legal documents allowing the parents of the children to make all decisions regarding their welfare (including taking them home) long before now. This is generally done at about 30-32 weeks. Please contact your lawyer about the specifics regarding your state and the hospital you are working with.

Most likely, the babies will not be in the room with you. Most hospitals will allow the parents their own room, as long as they have space, and the baby will not be in your room at all. So there really should be no concerns over timing.

As to how the hospital will handle it, you never really know. Make sure you have your attorney’s phone number on you. My first surrogacy went fine. The hospital had it all together. The twins stayed in a room with their parents, they checked out a day later than me, everything went great.

The second surrogacy, at the exact same hospital, it was like the hospital had never heard of surrogacy before. They made me sign the baby out, at which point I handed him to his parents and we got into different cars and drove away.

The third surrogacy, at a different hospital, went fine as well. No issues at all. I checked out less than a day after the birth and the baby checked out the next morning.

All three times I had to meet with a social worker at the hospital and sign some papers. One social worker treated me oddly, asking me things like was I sure I wanted to do this, that kind of thing, while looking at me with pity. One social worker acted like it was her first day on the job and she had no idea what to do. The other social worker was completely comfortable and had no problems.

You just don’t know what you will get.

And if the people at the hospital tell you something differently than your lawyer did, call him. Even if it is 11pm. Call him. That’s why he is there.

by roseellen
(oahu)

my sister is having a baby for me & my girlfriend

i was told it was popssible that all we would have to do was
attend every doctor’s app & let her ogbyn know that i was going to be
the mother, that way when baby was born i would just sign the bith certificate & baby was legally our’s (:

i live in hawaii do you think thats possible? i realy dont want lawyers involved or attend court & the everything else…
with my sisters consent it makes sense i would have all rights?
pls help

Reply by Rayven

No, its not at all possible.

Though laws vary by state, I have never ever heard of a situation where a hospital is allowed to have “anyone” sign the birth certificate and take the baby out of the hospital. If something went wrong, that hospital would be liable for millions.

No, you absolutely, positively need legal representation and assistance.

This is your child we are talking about! Please don’t make decisions on her life based on hearsay. You could end up in a major legal situation.

All surrogacy arrangements need to go through the court system. Your lawyer will assist you with all the required documents and paperwork. And since this is a same-sex parenting situation as well, those added complications will also need professional representation.

If you want to have a baby via surrogacy, lawyers and court are just part of the mix. Its unavoidable.

i have been planning to become a traditional surrogate mum for quite some time.. and now the day is finally here and i think i mite be having 2nd thoughts.. i have been looking forward to being a surrogate mum so i don’t know where these feelings r coming from. i know i still want to do it, but i keep asking myself if i will regret it or if something will go wrong. i guess i’m just asking has anyone else had these feelings before becoming a surrogate mum? is it normal? and did u go through with it? thanks, any advice will help heaps!!

Reply by Rayven
Becoming a traditional surrogate mother is huge. Unlike women like me who are gestational surrogates, a traditional surrogate mother gives her own eggs, her own actual baby to the intended parents to raise. It is most definitely NOT for everyone.

It is very important at this stage, so soon before your attempts begin, that you have someone to talk to. Do you have close friends who would understand if you talked this thing through? Or perhaps a medical professional? Counseling should be covered by your intended parents in your contract. If it is unclear, speak to your attorney about it.

Do not go into this with these feelings. See if they can be worked out, and if not, maybe surrogacy is not right for you. Yes, it would be uncomfortable to get to this point in a journey and change your mind, but it is preferable that you do so now, and not while pregnant with someone else’s baby.

Many surrogate mothers DO regret it. And unfortunately, this is not something you can go back and change after its done.

On a personal note, I have never had any cold feet, never felt an instant’s hesitation with any part of the process. But then, I am a gestational surrogate. Traditional surrogacy is very very different.

You need to talk with someone. Please do so.

Best wishes to you!

by Heather
(Fredericksburg, VA)

I have had 3 miscarriages. I’m ready to become a mother. My Question is my friend has offered to carry for me.My heart breaks everytime my period is late or different. I would love to carry my baby myself but I can’t seem to carry to term and it’s killing me. I’m ready now for a baby.

Reply by Rayven
Heather,

Usually, the blood type of a surrogate mother does not need to match an intended mother in order for a surrogacy to occur.

Occasionally, an intended mother may have a medical condition which requires specific blood types, but these intended mothers are aware of this requirement based on their own fertility efforts.

Speak with your fertility specialist.

Best wishes!