can i still be a surrogate if im a single mom and on government assitance?

i already have a healthy 3 yr old son and im raising him alone. i want to be a surrogate but im on government assistance, is it still possible?

Reply by Rayven
Being a single mom is OK, as long as you have a support system in place, but a surrogate mother cannot be on government assistance for quite a few reasons.

1. If you are receiving compensation for being a surrogate mother, this will reduce or eliminate your government assistance.

2. It gets tricky with medical bills as using Medicaid for a surrogate pregnancy is fraud, and purchasing a policy for a surrogate mother is expensive.

3. Money is never guaranteed in surrogacy. Having someone in a life-stage who is in great need of the money who may not get any money is not a good idea. You could devote 1-2 years of your life with surrogacy without ever being compensated a cent.

4. There are negative connotations with surrogacy which imply that “rich” people take advantage of “poor” surrogates. A surrogate on public assistance supports this negativity.

At this point in your life, surrogacy is probably not the best option for you, but it might be at some time in the future.

Best wishes!

can i be a surrogate in the us if i live in the uk?

by Natalie
(Wale, UK )

I am currently living in the uk and would really love to be a surrogate but with law here it is very difficult. Really want to help someone have there own family and was wondering if i could be a surrogate in America if i don’ live in the country??

Reply by Rayven
Unfortunately, what you are describing is a logistical nightmare and might not even be legal (you need to check with an American attorney in the state you would be delivering in).

Do you qualify to stay in the US legally for upwards of a year? If not, then no, you could not be a surrogate in the US.

Are you planning on moving to America, at your own expense? If not, then no, you could not be a surrogate in the US. A set of intended parents would not be willing to fly you out here and provide you with living expenses IN ADDITION TO compensation. It just makes no sense when they can get an American surrogate for a lot less money.

Do you have family and a support system in the United States? Where? Every surrogate needs an in-person support system. Do you have one already over here? Family, friends, other surrogates.

Are you willing to uproot your children? Are they willing/able to spend a year or more in America going to school here? Are they legally allowed to do so?

These are just a few of the very basic issues you would have. If you are married, does your spouse think this is a good idea? America is going through a recession right now; would he have a job over here to come to? Can he legally work in the US?

Add to that the fact that I’m really not even sure you CAN legally be a surrogate and sign a contract here (not sure you can’t, either, check with a lawyer).

Hope this helps!

Do ovaries matter for the surrogate?

by Nicole
( Hesperia ca)

Can I be a surrogate mother if I have had one of my ovaries taken out ? And I have a lot of mental illnesses in my family but I don’t have any

Reply by Rayven
In gestational surrogacy, ovaries do not matter. Many surrogates have had a tubal and no longer have access to their ovaries. Because their eggs are not used, they are not needed.

But the important issue here is not that you are missing an ovary, its the fact that you had one removed. Why was it removed? The answer to that question will more than likely determine your eligibility to become a gestational surrogate mother.

If your pregnancies were healthy, you’ve delivered full-term babies, and the removal didn’t have anything to do with fertility, its quite possible you will still qualify for gestational surrogacy.

Of course, traditional surrogacy would be an entirely different situation. Though theoretically, if you had one functioning ovary and intended parents who really wanted to use you, it would be possible as well.

As to the mental illness in your family, you will need to discuss this with your agency and have them determine their willingness to work with you.

Best wishes!

Did you have trouble giving the child to its biological parents?

by Dana Stevenson
(San Bernardino, California, America)

Were there emotional feelings involved?
Did family and friends oppose your decision to be a surrogate?
When people noticed you were pregnant, did you quickly explain your situation?
How long were you able to send with the child after it was born?
Did you have a close relationship with the biological parents?
Does the child know who you are?
Are you able to visit the child, or is this strictly business?

Reply by Rayven
Each surrogacy arrangement is completely different, as is each surrogate mother. I can answer these questions for you, but understand they come from a personal perspective, not a perspective of surrogate mothers at large. Every experience is different.

Did you have trouble giving the child to its biological parents?
None whatsoever. It felt like a very long, very involved babysitting project to me, and the weekend had finally arrived. I was happy to be a part of helping this couple create their family. Never, in the 5 yrs since I first started my first surrogacy journey have I felt sad or bad about the children I have helped into this world.

Were there emotional feelings involved?
I am not an overly emotional person, so in my particular case, while I cared for my surrogate babies and would have done anything to keep them safe, I was not emotionally attached in any way.

Did family and friends oppose your decision to be a surrogate?
Friends were all supportive. My mother was against it in the beginning because she worried about me. I think she irrationally feared that I would die or something. Once we worked through these fears and once she had a chance to meet the twins I gave birth to, she came around. She still is not thrilled that I have done 3 surrogacy journeys, but she is not overly negative anymore.

When people noticed you were pregnant, did you quickly explain your situation?
I am currently pregnant for my third surrogacy. Sometimes I explain, sometimes I don’t, depending on my mood and the situation. If I know I will be seeing these people again, like they are neighbors, I always explain. (They’d just have more questions when there was no baby later.) Often, my husband or kids will do the explaining. My husband thinks its hysterical to tell strangers the baby is not his. He quickly explains that it is a surrogacy, but it is one of his favorite things to do. Men.

How long were you able to spend with the child after it was born?
The twins and the boy I delivered after them were international surrogacy arrangements. In both cases, the parents stayed for several weeks in the US to get the paperwork and their passports arranged. We saw each other 2-3 times per week during that time.

In the hospital, I got to hold them as much as I wanted. With the boy, the parents were not there at the birth and arrived two days later, so he roomed in with me. (I felt like he shouldn’t spend his first couple days on Earth in the nursery, which was an option.)

Did you have a close relationship with the biological parents?
Over time, a close friendship was formed. It did not exist prior to the surrogacy.

Does the child know who you are?
The oldest surrogate babies I have delivered are 4 yrs old. It will be years before they can comprehend how they arrived on this earth.

Are you able to visit the child, or is this strictly business?
As my surrogate babies are international, visiting is really not something that can occur often. We have a “when you’re in town, stop by” arrangement with the parents, which I am sure eventually we will do.

BECOMING A MOM AGAIN

by melissa
(michigan)

i have three beautiful biological children when my youngest was born the doctor said that he has to tie my tubes because i have been pregnant a total of six times and i have thee live children and i have miscarries five. would an agency ever consider me even if i already have children??


Reply by Rayven

I don’t know of any agencies that would disallow you simply because you already have children. There are some surrogates, however, who prefer to work with couples that do not have children of their own.

Your situation really should not be a problem. The couple I am currently carrying for has a son, and wanted one more to complete their family, so really, this type of situation occurs regularly.

Best wishes!