One question that a lot of people have about being a surrogate is whether surrogate mothers get paid for their services or if it is a purely benevolent act. The fact of the matter is that they are generally compensated; however this does not and should not take away from the fact that what they are doing is a great sacrifice and a huge gift to the child and the intended parents.

Surrogate mothers experience the same rollercoaster of emotions and physical consequences as other pregnant, but with extra, necessary steps that most other women will never have to go through.

First of all, before the surrogacy procedure can even be initiated, the surrogate must endure many invasive tests that require at least four months of injections (both on a daily and weekly basis) to make sure her body is ready for and able to sustain a pregnancy. Then, if a pregnancy does not occur, she has to do it all over again.

The appointments and procedures that are necessary may mean that she misses out on things that are important to her. She may have to use up vacation time from work, miss family events, and may even have to utilize childcare services for her own children in order to fulfill her surrogate duties.

It is not uncommon for surrogates to end up carrying multiples – twins, triplets, or even more than that. If this occurs, it is possible that she will be required to undergo bed rest for an extended period of time – week, sometimes even months. She may even have to undergo surgery in order to safely deliver the babies.

Surrogate mothers may not be able to accept job promotions during the span of their pregnancy if it will require for her to leave the state. This also means that her husband may not be able to accept a promotion if it will require a move because she is not legally allowed to move until she has delivered the baby.

As you can see, a surrogate often has to put her entire life on hold for about a year in order to help the intended parents grow their family.

So why shouldn’t they be compensated? If you think about it, making these types of huge sacrifices would be very difficult if there were not some sort of compensation

However, people seem to believe that surrogates are paid an obscene amount of money. The media has given the impression that surrogates are routinely paid up to $100,000 to carry someone else’s child.

This is not true.

While this may be the costs of the surrogate journey, most of that money will be handed over to the clinics that are responsible for all of the tests and the embryo transfer, to the surrogacy agencies who are responsible for arranging and maintaining the surrogate relationship , to the lawyers who make sure that all of the rules are followed, to cover the costs of medications and medical expenses to make sure the pregnancy occurs and is sustained. Only a portion of it is actually given to the surrogate to compensate her for her sacrifices.

In all honesty, sales representatives at the mall get paid more than a surrogate. But the great thing about it is that the money truly is not the main appeal of being a surrogate. These women do it all with the goal of bringing a life into this world that will be handed over to a family that has desperately wanted it.

I just read another post in which you state that a surrogate declaring bankruptcy was a nightmare situation.

Would you care to elaborate a little on this subject??

I understand that an ideal surrogate needs to be financially stable – but bankruptcy does not ALWAYS mean that one is financially unstable. Sometimes bankruptcy is needed for a fresh start to overcome PAST troubles – and has no real bearing on CURRENT situations.

If a stable, supportive and as-stress-free-as-possible environment is what is surrounding a potential surrogate, I fail to see how financial status (minus being on government assistance, which I totally understand reasoning for) is any of anyone’s business.

Your insight on everything so far has been amazing… so I would appreciate you enlightening me!!!:)

Reply by Rayven

Hi there!

I think you may have misread my previous post regarding State Funded Surrogacy. To my knowledge (and please, correct me if I’m wrong!) I have never mentioned any problems with surrogates who have declared bankruptcy.

In fact, I know SEVERAL surrogates who have had bankruptcies on their credit records.

I personally was never run through a credit check. I was never asked probing questions as to what my income level was, or if I had personally declared bankruptcy, though I was asked if I was on state assistance. Some surrogates do get a credit check, but most do not. Those that do, could easily explain away bankruptcy in the past. We are not talking about applying for an auto loan here; this is not a name less, faceless corporation, but a set of real people who may have had financial troubles in the past themselves.

The post I believe you were referring to was this one: https://www.information-on-surrogacy.com/why-do-agencies-require-a-serogate-to-not-be-on-goverment-assistance.html in which I stated that those who are doing surrogacy strictly for the money may run into a financial nightmare.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that a past bankruptcy should have no bearing on surrogacy. You shouldn’t have a problem whatsoever.

by Angela Arcila
(new york)
any surrogacy centers that are reliable and can be trusted?
how long after the birth process will the baby separate from the surrogate mom and be given to the biological mom?
my biggest fear is that after all the process is completed the surrogate mom may want to keep the baby even if the baby isnot biologically connected to her. Can this happen?

Reply by Rayven

As far as surrogacy clinics go, this is a decision you will need to make depending on where you live, where your surrogate lives, what clinics you are comfortable with, etc.

As to your other concerns, they are understandable in an intended parent. Let me tell you about how it works in America (NOT Great Britain), in Gestational Surrogacy, in states where surrogacy is legal.

First off, if you have a good attorney draw up your contract, and the baby is born in a state where surrogacy is legal, it would be nearly impossible for the surrogate mother to suddenly decide to keep the child and legally be allowed to do so. I say nearly impossible, because if there was a concern about the safety of the home the baby was going to (for example, other children in the intended parent’s home had been removed by child services, etc) then the baby might not come home with the intended parents. But even then, it is likely that the baby would not go home with the surrogate either, but would be placed in state care.

Though this is a big concern for most intended parents, it is actually much more common for intended parents to decide they don’t want the baby and leave him for the surrogate to deal with! (Yes, this has happened!)

It is very, very rare for a surrogate to “change her mind” and decide to keep a surrogate baby. In the event that she does, she might be able to take the child from the hospital, but legally and biologically, the child is yours, and the courts would side with you. This is not adoption; a surrogate does not have the same rights. In fact, she has no legal rights to the child at all. Would it be messy? Yes. A legal battle? Perhaps. But the child is yours.

The baby is not “taken” from the surrogate in the hospital. In most situations, the hospital is aware of what is happening and the intended parents are in the delivery room (though this is up to the surrogate in ALL situations). When born, the intended parents are allowed to cut the cord, and are the first to hold the baby. Often, the hospital has provided a separate room for the new parents to room in with their baby, so they have immediate parentship of the child. In some situations, the hospital is not as informed, and the intended parents hang out with the surrogate or keep the baby in the nursery until he has been released.

Some states will allow you to be placed on the birth certificate immediately, and in the hospital you are legally the parents. Other states require the surrogate to be on the birth certificate until it is later changed in court, and she personally has to sign the baby out of the hospital.

I know this is all very scary right now. I cannot even pretend to imagine what it must feel like to have gone through years of infertility and suddenly have to trust a virtual stranger to care for the most important thing in your life. What intended parents have to do to become parents is very humbling to a surrogate. My suggestion to you is to take your time matching, find someone you feel you can trust, and if these concerns keep cropping up in your mind, find an experienced surrogate who has done this before. Knowing she has experience giving back a baby can go a long way towards easing these feelings.

Best wishes!

Are you considering taking the steps to become a surrogate mother? Do you feel as though you have completed your own family? If your answer to this last question is a no, I don’t recommend that you become a surrogate. Read on to find out why.

Deciding to become a surrogate mother is a grand thing to do. It is an act of sacrifice that you make to help another family by helping them to build their family. However, you should make sure that before you help another family complete their family, that your own family is complete.

Let’s face it – every pregnancy could involve risks. One unfortunate result of pregnancy can be infertility. Some women lose their uterus. Others are informed by their doctors that to become pregnant again could pose a serious threat to their life. And often, there was no prior indicator that this would be the case. The woman was perfectly healthy. The same can happen with surrogacy pregnancies.

I hate to sound melodramatic, but the honest truth that any pregnancy that a surrogate mother achieves may end up being her last. She could experience complications that lead to a hysterectomy. She could have an incorrectly performed c-section that renders her unable to carry another child. Although it is not the norm, the possibility is still there. So imagine the pain that the surrogate mother would feel if she was then unable to complete her own family. If you have already completed your family, this may be a risk you are more willing to take. However, if you have not, I would urge you to reconsider.

Sometimes, women who have not yet competed their families before becoming a surrogate find themselves in a position where they are having to use a surrogate themselves due to pregnancy complications. This can be avoided by one simple measure – wait until you are sure that you do not want any more children of your own before you become a surrogate. In fact, many intended parents prefer surrogate mothers who have already finished building their families for this reason. They don’t want to have to deal with the guilt if someone was rendered infertile in their quest to help their family. It also may help to ease the intended parents minds when it comes to the surrogate having second thought during birth. Knowing that the surrogate mother will not feel as though they are missing out by giving the child to the intended parent can allay any doubts the intended parents may have. Especially if the surrogate is a traditional surrogate as opposed to a gestational surrogate in which the child is not biologically hers.

Surrogacy agencies generally prefer those who want to become a surrogate mother to be finished with building the families before pursuing surrogacy. As you can see, it makes sense for this to be a requirement. So, my advice to anyone who wants to become a surrogate mother is to make sure that you do not want to have any more children over your own before you commit.

by wondering…

I’m kinda nervous about asking this. I mean no disrespect. But how exactly does a surrogate get pregnant? Does she, um, well, “do it” with the dad? And everybody’s OK with this???

I probably shouldn’t ask. But there’s so much about surrogates these days and I just don’t know! I’m not a perv or anything, just really curious.

Sorry again.

Reply by Rayven

LOL. Honestly, I wondered how long it would take for someone to ask this question. My husband claims that people ask him all the time if I have been unfaithful in order to become a surrogate mother and help another family.

No, no “hanky panky” occurs with surrogacy. That’s not called surrogacy, that’s called swinging!

There are two forms of surrogacy: traditional and gestational.

In traditional surrogacy, a surrogate is impregnated with sperm from the intended father through artificial insemination. This is the old “turkey baster” method that you are probably familiar with. The surrogate is the biological mother of the child and will sign over her parental rights to the intended parents.

The second form of surrogacy, gestational surrogacy, requires a medical procedure. Eggs are retrieved from the intended mother and then fertilized with sperm from the intended father in a lab. The resulting embryos are then transfered into the surrogate mother.

The only person who needs to be present for either method of conception is the surrogate! The parents do not have to be there; they can be in a different room, state, or country!

Best wishes!