I’m a new single healthy 35y gay male thinking about surrogacy?

Surrogacy-Quote-39by malik
(bronx ny usa)

I’m thinking about dealing with the surrogate privately rather than an agency which can be expensive but will of course have legal counsel & by the way could you refer any low cost practical legal counsel? I also have pre-paid legal that i can use as well but I’m determined to fulfill my quest for a healthy baby i got 3 surrogate to choose from so I’m trying to debate which one I’ll go with? Any suggestions? I’m also trying to calculate the cost involved? But I’m sure when there’s a will there’s a way???? Can you offer any advice for me in my situation what venues to take should I go an agency if so are there any not so $$agency most have lots of rules but anyways get back with any fyi??

Reply by Rayven


Congratulations on considering surrogacy.

I can offer no legal counsel recommendations; you will need to find an attorney who specializes in surrogacy in the state in which the baby will be born. Do not even think about using your pre-paid legal services. Surrogacy is unique, and needs a dedicated attorney familiar with the laws in your area. Plan to spend several thousand dollars on both your attorney, and your surrogate mother’s attorney.

As far as whether to go through an agency or not, the main reason most intended parents choose an agency is to facilitate the matching process. It sounds as if you are OK there since you have three surrogate mothers to choose from. I cannot help you make a decision on which of those surrogates to choose; you are on your own there.

If none of your potential surrogate mothers are experienced in the process, and you are concerned about your limited knowledge in surrogacy, many agencies will work with already matched intended parents/surrogates for a discounted fee. They can handle payments and escrow, schedule appointments, and act as a mediator if things don’t go smoothly in your journey.

The costs of your journey are going to be determined by several factors. First, is this a traditional surrogacy or a gestational surrogacy? The added cost of an IVF transfer and egg donation will push a gestational surrogacy to the $50k+ mark, all things considered. And don’t ignore that little “+”. Costs can add on very fast.

Though it’s great to be optimistic about being able to afford surrogacy, you do need to come up with a clear plan, in advance on how you are going to be able to make it all work. Most of these fees (agency, lawyer, egg donor, IVF, insurance, and escrow surrogate fee) are do en mass, at the start of your journey. So you need to have the resources NOW to pay for it. If you don’t, you’ll need to wait until you do.

Best wishes!

can my husband be the father of the baby im carrying?

Surrogacy-Quote-37by myra

can my husband be the father of the baby im carrying if we were having sex starting on the 2nd month of my pregnancy ?

im a surogate mother and is now pregnant with the intended parents child…but on the 2nd month of my pregnancy my husband and i started having sex…would that affect the baby inside and who is going to be the real father of this baby if the sperm came from the intended father but when i got pregnant i had sex with my husband??myra

Reply by Rayven


If you are already pregnant, the baby can’t decide to switch fathers in your womb. If you were confirmed two-month’s pregnant with the child of your intended parents, and had not had sex with your husband prior to that, then they are the parents.

Most clinics establish firm rules on when the surrogate mother can resume relations with her spouse, partly to avoid this type of confusion, and the possibility that she will inadvertently conceive her own child. Yes, some “surrogate” mothers end up giving birth to their own children, solely because they ignore clinic regulations.

Most surrogacy arrangements require a DNA test upon birth to confirm the parentage of the baby.

If you were not confirmed pregnant before having sex with your husband, then it is possible you are pregnant with his child. The fetal age of the baby on an ultrasound should help you to determine this. If, when receiving your next ultrasound, the baby is 2 month’s smaller than he should be, chances are your surrogacy did not succeed.

Best wishes.

Is it possible I couldn’t have any more children of my own if I choose to be a gestational surrogate mother?

Surrogacy-Quote-35by Amber

I’m truly thinking about being a surrogate mother but my husband and I find it important to have one more child together. What are the risks that being a gestational surrogate mother will affect our dream of having another child of our own?

Reply by Rayven

Yes, it is possible that you could lose your ability to have more children by becoming a surrogate mother.

Despite our modern medical miracles, it is still possible to lose your life during pregnancy and delivery. Though rare, it happens.

And it also happens that a woman can lose her ability to ever carry another child during any pregnancy and delivery. Thats why some intended mothers seek a surrogate.

I’ve known surrogates who have lost their ability to have future children, and I have known some surrogates who have become intended mothers and have enlisted another surrogate to help them complete their own family.

Is it common? No. But I would say that there is a slightly higher risk while being a surrogate than otherwise. There are more invasive procedures, you really don’t know how your body will react to medications, and with such an increased chance of multiples, your risks in pregnancy do go up.

Will it happen to you? Probably not. But for these reasons, I would without a doubt be sure that you are done having your own children before you consider becoming a surrogate mother.

Best wishes!

What are the steps you have to go through to become a surrogate?

Surrogacy-Quote-32by vanessa franken
(Seoul, Korea)

-Health factors
-Family history
-Blood type

Reply by Rayven


Each country has different laws and regulations on surrogacy. In some countries, like the United States, surrogacy is legal and is common. In other countries, it is illegal. I do not know any of the laws pertaining to surrogacy in Korea. You will need to speak with an attorney in your country.

As far as medical qualifications, the biggest qualification for surrogacy is that the potential surrogate mother has given birth to at least one healthy, full term baby.

Family history only matters for traditional surrogacy, unless there is something in a gestational surrogate mother’s history that may make it unsafe for her to carry children.

There are no rules to blood type in most surrogacy arrangements.

For step by step instructions on getting started in the United States please see:

Surrogacy Getting Started Guide