by Taylor
(Texas)

I am becoming a gestational surrogate for my sister within the next few months. Since the egg will already be fertilized when it is implanted, will my pregnancy be more advanced than a traditional pregnancy? Will I feel the symptoms of pregnancy quicker than a tradition pregnancy? Will my pregnancy last as long as a traditional pregnancy?

Thanks!

Reply by Rayven

These are really great questions! Actually, the pregnancy will be slightly shorter, but will seem longer. Let me explain.

The 40 weeks of pregnancy are calculated by your last menstrual cycle. The start of that cycle is considered your first day of pregnancy, though a typical woman gets pregnant about 10 days later. With IVF, you will have 3-5 day old embryos transferred into your uterus, so technically your pregnancy would be 3-5 days shorter.

But, most women don’t know they are pregnant for at least another month. Since you are going through IVF, not only do you know the exact date you “got” pregnant, you know your due date in advance. You’re aware of that much sooner than a typical pregnancy, so it lasts longer!

As far as feeling any symptoms, its easy for the mind to tell you the body is pregnant when you go through a transfer. You’ll feel fluttering, some cramping, and you’ll not know exactly what it means. Luckily, you only have to wait two weeks from the time of the transfer to the time of the Beta test, which is where they will draw blood twice, two days apart, to verify if you are pregnant or not.

The whole transfer/beta test two week wait can be agonizingly slow (again, the mind somehow slows down time!) but really, when compared to a typical pregnancy, it goes by very fast!

Best wishes!

by SW
(Kansas)

Hi. I am looking into this for the first time. A friend of mine can not have children due to an accident earlier in her life. I have given birth to two full term healthy boys..january 2006 and december 2006 (you read that correctly, both in 2006). I am just curious on if being a surrogate would hinder me having additional children for my self if I ever wanted to. I am not married and I am only 23 so its pretty important for me to have the option of having more children if I wanted. I didn’t know if the injections would cause problems there or anything? Thanks a lot. SW

Reply by Rayven

Hi SW,

You’re a great friend for considering surrogacy!

A potential surrogate mother should ALWAYS be done having her own children before becoming a surrogate mother for someone else. In any pregnancy, it is possible for complications to arise that will make it difficult, or impossible, for you to carry any more children.

With surrogacy, you have a slightly higher chance of complications because you have a higher chance of carrying multiples.

Will something go wrong? Probably not. But it would be heartbreaking if you lost your uterus or ovaries when you knew you wanted more children. It has happened more than once that a surrogate mother has turned into an intended mother later in life to complete her own family.

My advice is simple: wait until you are done having your own children before having them for someone else.

Best wishes!

by lidwina.
(singapore)

it’s always been said that prenatal relationship means a lot before the baby was born, the bonding; the talking; the kicking.. by having a strong bond with your baby, you are preparing your baby for the real world, and this strong bond itself will give you confident do give birth..
How can an intended mother can build a prenatal relationship with the baby while the baby is inside surrogate’s mother womb?
thanks.

Reply by Rayven

Unfortunately, it is difficult for an intended mother to build a relationship with her unborn child. Before entering into a surrogacy, intended parents need to realize that they are not going to have the same experiences as if they themselves were pregnant.

A few ideas, however, are to speak to the baby when visiting your surrogate. Feel for kicks, talk with your child. Do this on a regular basis.

Another option is to record yourself reading a story on a CD, and have your surrogate mother place headphones over her belly and let the baby listen. This may seem silly, but the baby would hear your voice.

And remember, the “experts” don’t know everything! Don’t stress about the things you cannot control.

Best wishes.

by Shanny
(South Dakota)

Hi, I’ve been reading in most of the websites on surrogate’s requirements, and they say you most have given birth to a child and be raising them. Well I was pregnant, had a healthy baby, maintain my health, and gave my child a better future. Does this automatically disqualify me?

Reply by Rayven

Shanny,

While this does not automatically disqualify you, it does need to be examined further. The intended parents, clinic, agency, and the doctor doing your psychological evaluation will want to know a few things.

How long ago did you give up your baby? What were the circumstances surrounding the adoption? Was the living situation you were in then different from the living situation you are in now? Are you currently on any public assistance? Did you experience any postpartum depression or lingering sadness after the adoption? Do you have a support system in place? Why do you want to become a surrogate mother now?

Now, I’m not asking you to answer these questions here, I’m simply telling you the questions you will be asked.

I have known a surrogate who had given up two babies before starting surrogacy; so it can be done. I would work with an agency if I were you.

Best wishes!

by MALIK
(BRONX NY USA)

HEY THANKS FOR GETTING BACK TO ME BOUT MY PRIOR QUESTION? I’M THE 35Y GAY MALE BEING I’M NEW TO THIS SURROGACY THING, I WAS WONDERING ABOUT HOW THE TRANSFER IS DONE IF DONE TRADITIONAL OR GESTI?

WHICH WOULD BE A LEAST EXPENSE PROMPT WAY I DUNO THE SCIENCE BEHIND THAT I MENTIONED THAT GREY AREA TO MY POTENTIAL SURROGATE & THAT WAS A TOUCHY AREA,ME BEING GAY MALE & ALL WHAT IS THE WHOLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRADITIONAL & GESTATIONAL SURROGATE.

& ONE MORE THING WHICH STATES ARE SURROGATE FRIENDLY I KNOW NYC ISN’T FRIENDLY ONE OF MY SURROGATE IS FROM MISSISSIPPI & OTHER IS FROM TN, I’M TRYING TO FIND A GOOD REPUTABLE ATTORNEY SO I CAN GET SOME LEGAL COUNSEL. I SO CAN SCREEN MY SURROGATES BETTER ?

ANY SUGGESTIONS ON GOOD LEGAL ASSOCIATES I GUESS ILL CHECK WITH THE BAR ASSOCIATION?

Reply by Rayven

Malik,

You are not ready to proceed with a surrogate arrangement at this time. You might be in a few weeks, but not at this time. You still have way too much to learn about the process.

There is never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, any sort of sexual contact between a surrogate mother and either of her intended parents. Ever. Under any circumstances. That’s not surrogacy, it’s “swinging”.

Traditional surrogacy involves Artificial Insemination while gestational surrogacy involves an IVF transfer. In both cases, the intended father will “deposit” a sample into a cup.

As far as which states are surrogacy friendly, they vary. California is the easiest state to have a surrogacy arrangement. If you are looking for attorneys, I’d check for an adoption attorney in the states you are considering and ask for a recommendation from them. Make sure your attorney is NOT an adoption attorney, but has actual experience in surrogacy.

Right now, however, you still have much to learn about the process. Go through this site with a fine tooth comb. Read every single page. Rushing in this process can cost you more than you can possibly imagine, not just financially, but emotionally as well.

I know it’s hard, but the best piece of advice I can give anyone in surrogacy is to take it slow.

Best wishes.