Child Birth Story – Slight Water Break and No Contractions

…from a reader

I was very young when I gave birth to my daughter. My older sister just delivered my niece 8 months prior, so for the final months of my pregnancy, she tutored me in labor and delivery.

I was terrified to go through the process and would rather have just waved a magic wand than go through the inevitable pain. When the time came, I was not as prepared as I would have hoped to be. I awoke in the middle of the night because my water had broken very slightly.

I wasn’t having contractions, but my doctor wanted me to go to the hospital because I was so young. Several hours later, I was still not having contractions, and my water hadn’t broken further. I wasn’t about to complain about no pain!

My doctor decided to break my water and speed up the process. The contractions started, and I went into monster mode! The nurses tended to lean against my bed when they checked my contractions, and this was not acceptable to someone in so much pain.

I YELLED for them to stop moving my bed and asked for something to help with the pain. My doctor put something in my IV that took the edge off. Not only did it lessen the pain, it put me on another planet.

I have a very low tolerance for medication, so I was flying. I felt every contraction, but I didn’t care. I breathed through each one, but have no recollection of any pain. It was an interesting sensation.

After thirteen hours of labor, I was ready to deliver. I pushed for thirty minutes and out came my daughter. I was very surprised that the delivery was not painful.

My biggest concern was that I wouldn’t have the strength to get through the pushing, but it was surprisingly easy. I was thrilled to know that it was nothing like it’s portrayed in the movies!

Giving birth is truly the most phenomenal, emotionally draining experience I have ever been through.

My husband is not supportive of surrogacy…should I do it anyways?

by Katie
(Ft Worth, TX)

I don’t think he really thinks I will go through with it; becoming a surrogate mother. I’ve been talking about surrogacy for about six months now, and he seemed really nonchalant about it, like he didn’t object. So now that it is time for me to actually find intended parents, now he is saying he doesn’t think this is such a good idea!

The thing is, I really want to do this! I don’t care what he thinks; its not his body! I have so much love to give and I want so badly to help another family like this!

He has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he is now totally against this (WHY couldn’t he have told me at the beginning!)and won’t support me in any way.

What should I do? I really want to just do it without him and say “who cares” but I’m having second thoughts.

What do you think??

Reply by Rayven:


I respect that you want to become a surrogate mother, and I think it is very generous of you to desire to do this. But…

You absolutely, positively, need your husband behind you 100%. This is nonnegotiable.

The very last thing you want to do is to ruin your own marriage by trying to help someone else. And don’t think for a moment that that cannot happen. It does.

Infertility can destroy a marriage. Someone else’s infertility can destroy yours.

Surrogacy is a long, exhausting, emotional, and costly road. In addition to being a normal, hormonally pregnant woman, you will be adding another couple, and their thoughts and feelings, to the mix.

You will go through more with this pregnancy than you did with your own. You will most likely have shots (unless traditional, in which case it is even MORE important for your husband to be on board)that he needs to give to you. You will have travel arrangements, bedrest, extra procedures such as amniocentesis. And what happens if you are pregnant with twins or triplets? You will need to heavily rely on him for support.

The stress that this would cause you while pregnant could endanger the baby. And could tear your family apart.

Do you really want to deal with the “I-told-you-sos” that will happen? Women who become surrogates against their family’s wishes often report that they are not given the considerations they had while pregnant with their own. For example, if they are exhausted while carrying twins in the third trimester, family members sneer and say things like “you did this to yourself” or “you’re the one who wanted to become pregnant”.

If I didn’t have my husband behind me, I never would have been able to be a surrogate. He did SO much. He gave me my shots, he took vacation at work to watch our kids while I went to Vegas for the transfer, and his second vacation during my delivery. He cooked on nights when I couldn’t. He left work at the drop of a hat when I needed to go to the doctors unexpectedly. He got up early to get the kids off to school when I was too tired.

Our journeys would have been so difficult if he wasn’t there, supportive.

Don’t do it unless he is with you. But spend the next few weeks, and months, showing him that you are indeed serious. Find out his concerns, the reasoning behind why he feels you shouldn’t become a surrogate.

Is it because he is concerned with your safety? Is it because he thinks its all a little weird? Does he not understand how exactly it will all work?

Go through his issues rationally, and he might come around. Sometimes all it takes is a little patience and time.

One final thought. You may believe that you are being kind, giving, and unselfish to desire to become a surrogate mother for someone else, but if you go through with this without your husband’s support and agreement, you are actually being selfish. You would be putting your desire above your marriage.

Give it time. Hopefully he will come around.

Best wishes!

Share Your Advice:

Why Can’t a Surrogate Mother be on Government Assistance?

Many potential surrogate mothers, who are otherwise perfect candidates for surrogacy, may be shocked to find themselves rejected for a reason that may surprise them. If a potential surrogate mother is found to be receiving government assistance (i.e. Medicaid, food stamps, WIC, etc.) she will be rejected. State funded surrogacy (surrogate situations involving a commercial surrogacy arrangement where the surrogate mother receives federally funded aid) is illegal. But why? Read on to find out why an otherwise perfect candidate will be rejected.

For most people involved in a surrogacy situation, it seems unfair that a woman that is willing to sacrifice so much to bless another family with a child would be rejected simply because she is experiencing some financial difficulties. They may feel that this women should be commended, not punished. However, the fact of the matter is, despite her many positive attributes, surrogacy is simply not the right thing for her to pursue in her situation.


First, this perpetuates a negative stereotype that is held by many who hear about surrogacy. Many people that think about surrogacy imagine a scenario where a rich couple, unwilling (for whatever reason) to go through 9 months of pregnancy themselves, seek out a poor woman who will do it for them for a little money. Although this vignette is far from the truth of what surrogacy is all about, a woman who receives government assistance being a surrogate for a wealthy couple does play into the stereotype.


However, the main issue is that if the surrogate mother is paid in any form for her services, she will likely be deemed ineligible for government assistance. This means that she may suddenly become ineligible to receive Medicaid – and so will her children. According to the law, people on welfare are supposed to report ANY money they receive, even if it comes in the form of a birthday gift.


Some people in these surrogacy situations may be tempted to fool the system by paying the surrogate “on the low”. Some of them may do this because they feel that the laws are unfair and that the surrogate mother deserves the financial assistance she receives. Others do it for more selfish reasons – using her government assistance (Medicaid) to cover the costs of her pregnancy, labor, and delivery. However, there is no getting around the fact that this is fraud. And defrauding the United States government is not something that you want to do. Not only is it unethical, but it can come with very severe (and costly) consequences.


These are the main reasons that surrogacy agencies have the simple rule of automatically rejecting potential surrogate mothers who receive government assistance. However, when she is in a more stable financial situation, she is more than welcome to try again.



Most important thing to do when matching?

by Ashley Lee
(San Diego, CA )

Whats the most important thing you need to remember when you are matching for a surrogacy? We are in our early 40’s, professionals, looking for a surrogate in our home state of California. It’s all becoming so overwhelming! And so exciting at the same time. I just want to make sure we get it all right and don’t make some huge mistake. What is most important?

Answer from Rayven
Ashley, you sound very excited!

The best advice I can give you on matching with the perfect surrogate mother for you is to take your time and to be yourself.

As tempting as it is to rush things, especially when you are excited, take it slow and go over every issue that is important to you and your husband.

I assume you have already done all the research you need to do on surrogacy? If not, stop everything and do that now! Be well informed before you match.

And be yourself. Don’t try to be who you feel the potential surrogate mother wants you to be; totally be who you are.

Remember, its a lot like dating!

Best wishes on your matching and surrogacy journey!

For more information on the matching process, see:

Surrogacy Matching

 Add your advice:

Hot in Surrogacy – Elton John’s New Son


child-birth-stories-02Musical sensation Sir Elton John and his life partner, film producer David Furnish recently became 2nd time parents. The couple welcomed their son to the family –Elijah Joseph Daniel Furnish-John. Clocking in at a healthy 8 lb 4 oz, baby Elijah was born on January 11th to an undisclosed surrogate mother. In fact, the surrogate mother is the same person who gave birth to the couple’s first son, Zachary, back on Christmas Day of 2010. The brothers were also conceived by the same egg donor (a fourth party – not the surrogate mother).

The trio (John, Furnish, and the unidentified surrogate mother) chose to align themselves with the Center for Surrogate Parenting in Encino, California and adhered to the world-renowned center’s strict policies. The center is very particular about who they allow to serve in the revered role of surrogate mother. Any mother that is chosen must not smoke, must be physically fit, and must be mothers already. They also have strict rules about payment – ensuring that special treatment is not afforded to people who have a higher income. They prefer for the focus to be on bringing joy to couples (both married and gay) who otherwise would not be able to have children.

John and Furnish are reportedly very close with the surrogate mother, stating that “She is a wonderful, kind and loving woman, who we love like a sister”. Every surrogate situation is different. Sometimes the intended parents are only present for the big events (such as sonograms and the birth); other times, they are a lot more involved. John and Furnish appear to fall solidly in the second category. They have been reported as saying “we have a very close bond with her and were in constant touch throughout the pregnancy. She has given us two amazing gifts and we in turn have a duty of care to her and are fiercely protective of her anonymity.”

So, how are John and Furnish enjoying parenthood? The couple is quoted as saying that the birth of their second son has left them feeling “overwhelmed with happiness and excitement” as their dreams of Zachary having a sibling comes true. ““Both of us have longed to have children, but the reality that we now have two sons is almost unbelievable,” they said. “The birth of our second son completes our family in a most precious and perfect way.” “I have learned that a parent’s capacity for love is endless,” Elton says. “When another child is born, our depth of love just grows deeper and wider, so it was very emotional.”

 Who is your favorite celeb that chose surrogacy?