Would insurance find out?

Surrogacy-Quote-52by Chris
(Orlando, florida usa)

Lets say a close friend surrogate has insurance that does not cover her surrogate pregnancy. If they were not to involve lawyers and were to conceive at home using intended father’s sperm and have the surrogate mother sign over her rights to father in hospital. How would insurance find out it wasn’t just an adoption?

Reply by Rayven
If surrogacy is excluded, and insurance finds out, not only are you responsible for repaying all the fees, you are COMMITTING FRAUD!

And your surrogate will be the one unlucky enough to deal with the bulk of the accusations, as everything is in her name. Her financial life can be ruined and she can face prosecution. Personally, I cannot think of a worse way to bring a child into this world!

There are better options out there, especially since pregnancy is no longer considered a preexisting condition. Fraud is NEVER an option.

And in order to “sign over her rights” you’re going to need to do it legally. Getting lawyers protects everybody, especially your child. Do it right. Don’t clip corners on the most important event in your entire lives. Its just not worth it.


Surrogacy after menopause?!

Surrogacy-Quote-47by Stuart
(West sussex)

Hi Rayven, Is surrogacy only successful if the surrogate mother is fertile? In the case where the egg has been donated.
Could someone be a surrogate after menopause?
Many thanks


Reply by Rayven
Gestational surrogacy is still possible after menopause for a mother to assist her son or daughter. There would rarely be another reason for a surrogate mother that has gone through menopause.

IVF does not require the use of one’s ovaries (in surrogacy). It does require a healthy mother, and as women age, their ability to carry a baby deteriorates. So while it is not uncommon for a post-menopausal woman to go through IVF, there are few that actually qualify, health-wise.

Traditional surrogacy is not possible after menopause.

Can i become a surrogate if i haven’t had children of my own?

Surrogacy-Quote-48by stephanie
(England )

Hi my name is Stephanie and I’m 20 years old, i haven’t had a child of my own but my dream and love is to become a surrogate, for one and only reason to give a family a child that they have always dreamed of. I would like to know how i would do this as i live in England, But in England i cant become a surrogate until i have had a child of my own and im 25 years old. I believe i should choose for my self but i was wondering how i could become a surrogate with all this in hand? xx

Reply by Rayven

(Sorry for the bluntness.)

You can’t. You do not qualify to become a surrogate. Period.


I cannot stress this enough. I get this question on these forums at least 2-3 times a week. Most posts get deleted because this question has been answered time and time again. And each time, the woman always feels she is an exception to the rule.

Where you might be a very kindhearted and giving individual, the blunt truth of the matter is, pursuing surrogacy without having had children of your own, is, in fact, very selfish. (And I am not trying to pick on you personally, but to provide an honest answer for everyone with this same question.)

Why selfish?

Well, there are three main reasons that women who have not had children cannot become surrogates. And one main reason why they want to.

Here are the reasons they can’t:

1. No proven fertility
Here’s the thing. Since you have not had children, there is no way to determine if you are even capable of having children yourself. Surrogacy is extremely expensive. Imagine if you will, a couple putting every bit of money they have into the dream that you will be able to carry for them, and then you finding out (at their expense) that you, too, have fertility issues. Now imagine that they cannot afford to do the process a second time.

2. No clue on emotions
The emotions triggered in pregnancy and delivery are different for each mother. Without some clue as to what you will feel, and without your own kids to come home to, there is a possibility that you would become more attached than you realize. THIS HAPPENS A LOT. Even with women who think it could never happen to them. And then what happens? Years of legal battles and custody fights.

3. You may lose your ability to have kids of your own
It happens that some surrogates experience complications. They can lose their ability to every have another child, or even their uterus. It happens. So in an effort to help another family, you could destroy your own.

And the reason most surrogates want to do all this? Most surrogates who want to have a child for someone else cite the joy of helping another family. But when you think about the agony that could be the outcome, the joy pales in comparison. Is your joy worth someone else’s anguish? Or even worth your own?

Again, I am not trying to single you out to be harsh with; I realize you were just asking a question, one that many have asked before, but please believe me when I say that rules are there for a reason, and you do NOT qualify. Explore surrogacy in a few years when you have completed your own family. There will still be plenty of intended parents who need someone at that time.

Best wishes to you (and sorry again for the bluntness).


my sister is gonna be my surrogate what do we have to do to get my name on the birth certificate

Surrogacy-Quote-6my sister is gonna be my surrogate the traditional one and we are both wondering what we would have to do to get my name on the birth certificate and i live in illinois and she lives in missouri so we dont know how this is gonna work for that issue.

Reply by Rayven
What a wonderful sister you have! It is terrific when one family member is able to help another family member via surrogacy.

First, you will need to contact a lawyer in Missouri that deals with surrogacy. Your lawyer will assist you with making sure you are following the specific laws in Missouri, and getting your contract (yes, even if this is just a surrogacy for a family member, you still need a contract) and your court paperwork done. Ideally, you both will have separate representation.

Do this before you get started.  You will be the party who is financially responsible for all legal fees and court costs, in addition to all costs related to the pregnancy.


I am curious about the demand and fee I would charge for my surrogate services

Surrogacy-Quote-50by abby

Hello there. I have been moving along in the surrogate process and my next step is to have my medical exam, which I know with general certainty will be fine. So my questions are…..(firstly) what is the overall demand for a surrogate? (in your opinion?)

My agency said that they have fifty waiting family’s for surrogate services. So it tells me that there is demand. I am not greedy, but I do have a price that will make this all feel right and fair at the end of the process. Will I totally ruin my chance if I have a set number of my own?

The agency, let’s say, is saying around 29K for the fee (here in the states) and I would need 20K (net) to make is worthwhile for me.

I can say from the bottom of my heart that my first intentions are to give a wonderful gift to someone who cannot have a child biologically themselves.

My intentions are in the right place. I am not having any more children of my own so I am glad to do this. But, as I have been praying about and thinking about this…I realized and asked myself what my financial “goal” is in doing this. And I am not ashamed to say that I definitely have one. (a goal meaning where/how I need to use the compensation)

So, with that said, do I seem reasonable?

Thanks for reading and hope my questions make sense! I appreciate it.

ps-if i sound gross talking about money, I just figure this is where the true-to-life experts are and where I may feel comfortable asking ANYTHING!! When I had my son dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween, I looked at him and felt this feeling of overwhelming gratitude and thought, wow, everyone should have and be as blessed with a PUMPKIN! So this is my reason for being interested!

Reply by Rayven
Hi Abby,

There is nothing wrong with asking about the compensation involved with surrogacy, and in fact, you are most definitely coming at it from the right place.

Let me answer your questions. First, as to the overall demand, there are more intended parents out there looking for surrogates than there are qualified surrogate mothers to help them.

If you are working with an agency, and you meet all the qualifications, you should be able to find a match within a couple of months. Keep in mind that the process is involved, and the first set of intended parents you are introduced to may not be the perfect set of parents for you. Take your time and go with the right parents.

Now onto your questions about compensation. I’m not sure where the $29K is coming from? Is that the overall fee the agency is charging the intended parents for the entire journey? Some agencies have policies set in stone for the amount of compensation that a surrogate mother will receive. Other agencies allow surrogate mothers to set their own fees within certain guidelines.

Most first-time surrogates ask for compensation around $20-25K, in the United States, which is about where you are with your requirements. I do not see anything at all wrong with asking for that amount.

And I am very glad that you have sat down to think about it. So often, money is an uncomfortable topic to deal with, so potential surrogate mothers sort of “go along with” whatever the agency, lawyers, or intended parents decide, too afraid to make their wishes known.

Your compensation, and your financial reasons for becoming a surrogate (and most surrogates, whether we wish to admit it in public or not, do have financial reasons for being a surrogate, in addition to a desire to help another family) are deeply personal and should be discussed at length between you and your spouse. And when presenting these requirements, I have found the easiest thing to do is to simply state, before you even meet intended parents, that your requirements are nonnegotiable. Be clear with your requirements and leave it at that. If a set of potential intended parents does not agree with your requirements, they can pass you by without ever talking with you further, eliminating uncomfortable situations down the road.

So, to recap: your requirements are reasonable and you should have no trouble matching, assuming you qualify to become a surrogate mother.

Best wishes!