Why is surrogacy risky?

Where does the extra risk of losing your own ability to have more children after being a surrogate come from? Is it just due to the higher risk of multiples?

I know you have said that you highly suggest that a surrogate is finished having her own children before becoming a surrogate. However, I am doing this for a friend, and my husband and I want to have 2 more children, but spread out over the next 3-5 years. My friend does not want to wait this long before having her child, but cannot afford the fee if she is paying for the surrogate.

So I guess I am asking do you have access to a web site with statistics on a surrogate’s loss of ability to have her own children after surrogacy? If the risk is in multiples, we are looking into selective reduction, as my friend does not want triplets or higher.

Reply by Rayven
Pregnancy, in and of itself, is risky. I’m sure you can uncover multiple risks to a woman’s health, life, and reproductive ability with any pregnancy with a simple google search. That alone is reason to make sure your own family has been completed before you become a surrogate mother.

Now, with surrogacy, there are additional risks, and yes, many are associated with how common multiples are in surrogacy. But then there are things like the fact that the more pregnancies you have, the more you are at risk for complications, and the fact that your body might not react well to the medications you are on.

Will it happen that you will not be able to have any further children after becoming a surrogate mother for your friend? Probably not. Can it happen? Absolutely.

The most important thing is to understand the risks and make an educated decision on whether you would like to proceed. It might also be a good idea to sit down with your OB/GYN and see what he/she recommends. Your doctor has most likely seen what can happen during a “normal” pregnancy and might be able to offer you practical advice.

my tubes are tied can i still get a surrogate?

Me and my husband have been married two years now and have two kids a peice, but none together. My tubes are tied can I get a surrogate with my tubes tied

Reply by Rayven
I’m somewhat confused by your post, but let me see if I can answer your question. (I’ll go through different scenarios in case I’ve misunderstood.)

If you are asking if you can BECOME a surrogate mother with your tubes tied, then YES, you can become a gestational surrogate, but not a traditional surrogate.

If you are asking if you can USE a gestational surrogate mother with your tubes tied, well, you can USE a surrogate mother for any reason, whether your tubes are tied or not.

You are able to do an egg retrieval to go through IVF when your tubes are tied, if that is what you are asking. Which leads me to the question, why not just go through IVF for yourself, instead of using a surrogate mother? If there is no medical reason for you to need a surrogate other than the fact that you’ve had your tubes tied, then you should be able to have your own baby via IVF.

If there is a medical need for a surrogate, you can still have your own biological child, even with your tubes tied, assuming you have good quality eggs.

I hope this answer was what you were looking for.

Rain Brings On Thunderstorm and Baby Birth

…from a reader

It was a rainy dark morning, and I was up at 4:30 am getting my hubby ready for work. I was also 9 months pregnant and ready to pop. At my last check up however, the doctor told me I had about a week or so left to go before our beautiful daughter would be brought into the world.

Anyway, it was raining and I was horribly tired and ready to go back to bed. I kissed my husband goodbye, called my Mom to tell her to drive safe to work later that day in the pouring rain and laid down with the dog to get some much needed rest.

My head no more than hit the pillow when the flood gates open, I was soaked! My water had broke! Oh No! This was pre-cell phone era an my husband had a 45 minute drive to work. I waddled the best I could to the living room to call my Mom back, but just as I reached the hallway a clap of thunder roared and the power went out!

I was standing blindly in my hallway searching for the phone to call my Mom! Running my hands up and down the counters looking for my cordless phone I found everything but. Finally I found the phone, hit redial and my Mom answered the phone! Thank God! I told her I was in labor and she said she was on her way.

As I waited I tried to remain calm, but this was my first child and I had no clue what to expect in all reality. Classes are nice, and fun but in no way did I feel prepared to bring a child into this world in the dark all alone while the storm raged on outside! What is a normal 15 minute car drive took my Mom over an hour to get to me as most roads by our home which is down a dirt road were flooded, mud filled and she just couldn’t get down them!

Finally she arrived, loaded me and the luggage I had time to pack while waiting into her car and we were on our way. Once we arrived at the hospital, all seemed to be back under control. My Mom checked me in while the nurses whisked me away in a wheelchair!

After things calmed down, they had me breathing and my Mom was coaching me things seemed to be going well. About 2 hours of what I like to simply refer to as pain they said I was ready to go, and my baby girl was ready to welcome the world. I all of a sudden let out a scream “Where in the heck is my husband!?”

Shouldn’t he be here by now? I knew the roads were bad, but this had been literally hours! My Mom asked me what time I called and notified him…that’s when I realized, I had not called and told him. He was at work thinking I was at home sleeping and had no clue I was ready to bring our daughter into this world!

My Mom hurried to the lobby payphone called my husband and he was on his way. He did make it in time to see our beauty being born, but he literally only made it with 8 minutes to spare! Whew!

To this day he still tells people I wanted all the credit and was a tough cookie and thought I could do it all myself! It surely was a rainy, dark, and odd day. We named our Daughter Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards) Rayne (rain). No pun intended.

me and my girlfriend/ fiance have been talking about having a baby…

by vicky
(binghamton, ny usa)

i am 30 years old and already have 4 children. me and my girlfriend/ fiancee have been discussing having s baby for a very long time… we have spoken about trying the “traditional” way, but we have also spoken about having a sperm donor and even me carrying her egg… i guess what i would like to know is how we can go about the process of me carrying her egg (actually having her baby), and a rough estimate on the cost of the whole thing… i hope to heaar from you soon in some way. i dont want to wait too long to do this considering alot of risks are involved in pregnancy the higher up in age… i will look forward to hearing from you… thank you so much.

Reply by Rayven
I’m not sure what you mean by “traditional”. With a lesbian relationship, I would assume that the traditional way to start a family would be to choose one partner and use a sperm donor, perhaps in a clinic setting. This would be the most cost advantageous method.

As far as what would be needed if you were to carry her baby, it would be similar to a gestational surrogacy, except you would not be a surrogate, but an intended mother.

She would go through an egg retrieval and you would go through IVF. You’d still need a sperm donor, of course.

I’m not certain legally how you would both be put on the birth certificate, since that varies by state with different laws. Find a family lawyer in your state to discuss the legalese.

And as to costs, that varies. Call around to IVF clinics in your area to determine costs.

And as for age, 30 is not too old by any means to undergo IVF. Its probably quite young on the IVF scale. I’m 32 and am pregnant for the third time via IVF. Many women undergo IVF for the first time in their 40’s. Its actually more important that the eggs are young than the woman who is carrying the baby. If your partner is in her 40s, then the quality of the eggs might be questionable. Talk with your IVF clinic about this.

I want to be a surrogate for my daughter and son-in-law

by Barbara

I want to know if there is an age limit to become a surrogate. I am 67 years old and have a great desire to help my daughter and son-in-law become parents. I didn’t think of doing this before because I was overweight, diabetic and on blood pressuse medication. I have lost 84 lbs to date and my health is thriving. No need for diabetic meds and half dose of blood pressure and colestral meds.

My daughter has tried IVF at least eight times in the past 15-yrs with no success. Her sister even tried 2-times for her but was not successful either.

All of my pregancies were without any problems, except for a little morning sickness for the first three months. The longest labor I ever had was 4-hours and all babies were delivered vaginally.

I go to the pool 2-times a week for exercise and also use a recumbent bike a couple times a week.

Do you know of any IVF clinic that would accept someone my age?

Reply by Rayven
Many mothers are helping their sons and daughters become parents by offering to become a gestational surrogate mother for them. It is a very generous gift a mother can give to her own child.

It is, however, more and more uncommon as a mother/grandmother ages. Most mothers who offer this are in their 50’s or very early 60’s. IVF becomes uncommon for those in their late 60’s, with only a handful of clinics in the world willing to assist a woman in her late 60’s go through IVF. In fact, the oldest IVF mother to date (I believe) was 69.

Is it possible? Yes. Would it be difficult to accomplish? Yes. Are there clinics in the US willing to do it? I’m really not sure; you might need to go international, which would prove very difficult with surrogacy as each country has different laws regarding surrogacy, and its illegal in many countries. It will be very difficult for you to find a clinic that is willing to assist you.

My suggestion, if you would like to proceed with this, is first to get clearance from your GYN that you are capable of another pregnancy at your age, and then to research older IVF mothers online and find out what clinics they used. Go from there.

Keep in mind that there is a reason our bodies do not allow us to get pregnant again as we age. Its hard on them! And its risky for you, perhaps too risky. If your GYN does not feel that you would be capable of another successful pregnancy, please reconsider the possibility that perhaps an unrelated surrogate mother might be a better option for your family.

As always, best wishes to you!