Lots of Questions About Surrogacy

Surrogacy-Quote-29by Michele
(Guilderland, NY, USA)

Hi Rayven! I’m so glad you have this sight. I have a lot of questions for you! Here goes:
I am thinking of using a gestational surrogate if I ever want to get pregnant.

I don’t like the thought of giving birth and I was recently diagnosed with Factor 5 Leyden (blood disease) that ups my risk of miscarrying.

My friend, Kristin said she would be my surrogate if I needed one. So…

#1. How could I tell if the baby was really mine and she and her husband didn’t accidentally impregnate themselves or my boyfriend’s (will be my husband when we do this) sperm didn’t actually impregnate her egg? She will only have our kids as long as they are ours, not hers.

#2. What are the odds/chances of multiple births?

#3. Who is considered the mother on the birth certificate, me (biological mom) or her (gestational surrogate)?

#4. Will doctors even let me do this? Having Factor 5, I could still have a baby (my sister-in-law has this from her family and mine and she is currently 4 months along) but it just ups my chance of miscarriage and I’d be a high risk pregnancy, but my main reason is I don’t really wanna have the baby physically. Is that good enough for a doctor?

#5. Can I do egg extraction with my tubes sterilized?

Thanks so much!


Reply by Rayven


1. A DNA test would be done at the child’s birth to confirm that you were indeed the biological mother of the child. Many states require this for the legal procedures, and many insurance companies as well. It’s pretty standard.

2. The odds of multiples are strong in IVF, especially with a surrogate mother. The more embryos you transfer, the more likely they are to stick. If you only want one baby, only transfer one embryo at a time. Seriously. Or you may find yourself faced with making a horrible decision later.

3. The birth mother will vary depending on what state you live in. Consult your attorney. Irregardless, it is just a formality and will all be corrected on a birth certificate later. If your friend is originally named the birth mother, this will be expunged in court completely.

4. (Answered this above)

5. Yes, it is possible, but you will need to consult your doctor for your specific situation. You can even do a retrieval without a uterus. It’s amazing what science can do these days!

I hope this all helps, Michele. I wish you the best.

To call or not to call?

Surrogacy-Quote-28by kami

So far I’ve seen that I fit all the normal requirements to become a surrogate, but have had trouble deciding about making the final call for them to contact me, because with my son(1st and only pregnancy)in my previous living arrangement I wasn’t able to seek prenatal care and when my son was born I had a yeast infection(it happens)and he was overdue as well as 9.2 lbs had to be taken by c-section(I’m was only 4’10″&118 huge baby!) perfectly healthy except for the c-section and had trouble breathing after some fluid was found in his lungs from him being overdue the doctors said. I want to be able to have vaginal births if I became a surrogate not to have multiple c-sections.
What do you think my chances are of being approved and physically what my chances are of having a vaginal birth considering my first pregnancy? I want to ease my husbands worry. Thank you.

Reply by Rayven


As far as being approved to become a surrogate mother based on your son’s birth circumstances, you will most likely be able to explain away the unique conditions he was born under as you have done here.

But for the c-sections, realize that a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) let alone multiple VBACs (if you choose to do this more than once) may be a little more difficult.

You will need to find a doctor who performs them in your area, and realize that in some areas, VBACs are simply not done. It will depend on which way your incision was when you had your last cesarean (if it was made up and down instead of side to side you are not eligible for a VBAC), among other factors.

You also need to realize that even if you have the intent of a VBAC, when the time comes, it simply may not be possible. And if you are pregnant with twins (common in surrogacy) it will not be an option.

In addition to all this, you would need to find intended parents comfortable with your choice to attempt a VBAC.

It can be done, but it doesn’t always go as planned.

Good luck!

Can I be a surrogate Mom if I had an abortion?

Surrogacy-Quote-26I had an abortion when my fetus was 9 weeks along, can I still be a surrogate Mom? I am extremely fertile – I got pregnant twice on birth control. I am planning on having my own baby again in a year but after that, I want to think about being a surrogate. My doctor said having a medically safe abortion does NOT affect fertility but I want to know if it affects my chances of being a surrogate Mom.

Reply by Rayven

If you have had an abortion and then have gone on to have your own child thereafter, then no, having an abortion does not alter your ability to become a surrogate mother.

If, however, you have had an abortion and have NOT carried a child to term, then you are NOT eligible to become a surrogate mother until you have given birth to at least one child.

Wait until you have finished having your own children before considering surrogacy.

Best wishes!

how long do you have to decide if you want to keep the baby ?

Surrogacy-Quote-25if you are a surrogate mother how long do you have to decide if you want to keep the baby or continue with the process

Reply by Rayven

None. Gestational surrogate mothers do not have the OPTION of keeping the baby. It’s not their baby. There are no second chances, no changing one’s mind, nothing. The time for second thoughts is before signing the contract and before getting pregnant.

Best wishes!

How much does it cost financially to do the whole surrogacy thing?

Surrogacy-Quote-24I am looking into having a friend be a surrogate for me. I cant have kids due to 2 tubal pregnancies that i have had. My gynecologist told me I wasn’t able to have kids but I can still produce eggs. How does the whole surrogacy thing work.

Reply by Rayven

The best place to go on this site to get started with the surrogacy process is here:

Getting Started in Surrogacy Checklist

As to the costs of surrogacy, this can vary widely. It is not uncommon for a gestational surrogacy to range from $50,000-100,000 or more. However, because you have already found a surrogate mother, and she is a friend, you might save a substantial amount of money from that ballpark figure.

Figure on paying your clinic for the egg retrieval and transfer to the surrogate, at least one time but possibly multiple times, two attorneys to get your contract in place, court fees for the baby’s birth certificate, health insurance for your surrogate mother or her deductibles and co-pays if she already has health insurance, all incidentals of the pregnancy, and a fee to your friend unless she is willing to become your surrogate mother without a fee, among other expenses.

Its very difficult to say that any particular journey is “X” amount of money. But these figures should get you started.

Best wishes.