Can I be a surrogate and pregnant with my own at the same time

by chrissy
(enterprise, al usa)

I have had 2 kids and my best friend has had 3 but had her tubes snipped. now her and her new husband want a child and my spouse and i want another child. is it possible for her to carry or for me to carry both??

Reply by Rayven
Let me answer your first question: Is it possible for your friend, who has previously had three children of her own, but had a tubal ligation, to have more children of her own, or would she need a surrogate mother?

If the only reason she is looking into surrogacy is the fact that she has had a tubal, then she does not need a surrogate mother. She can go through IVF and carry and deliver her own child. Many surrogate mothers have had tubals, myself included. I had a tubal 10 years ago and have had 4 surrogate babies since.

But if there are other issues with her health or fertility that will make having a surrogate mother necessary, then no, you cannot carry her child and your own child at the same time.

This would not be a healthy situation.

First off, carrying multiples is difficult. There is a greater chance of you experiencing complications, putting both you and the babies in unneeded danger.

Then there is the fact that surrogacy is horribly expensive. In addition to the egg retrieval and the thousands of dollars spent on that for your friend, the costs would be duplicated for you to go through that. You would be placed on medications to stimulate the release of your eggs (lots of meds, including injections) then they would be retrieved via a large needle through your uterus. The eggs would then be inseminated with your husband’s sperm in a laboratory and the resulting embryos then transferred back into your womb.

All of this, of course, completely unnecessary for you, because you do not need to go through IVF to become pregnant. It would be physically and financially draining. And, who would pay for it? You, who does not need the procedure, or your friend, who is already paying tens of thousands, if not over a hundred thousand dollars for the entire journey?

Now let’s say that for whatever reason, you decided to go through all this and found a doctor to do it (that would most likely be your biggest challenge). You put in one embryo of your friend’s, and one of your own. What happens if only one takes? You would not know until the child was born and the results of the DNA testing came back if you were the mother or your friend would be the mother. Someone goes home with a baby, and someone else does not. And again, who pays for all this?

Could you go through 9 months of carrying a baby not knowing if it was your child or not?

Even if you carried twins, you still wouldn’t know for sure if both embryos took or if one split and the other did not make it until DNA testing. And even if they both took, you’d sit around wondering whose baby was whose for days. Logistically, this situation would be a nightmare.

In your situation, surrogacy is probably not needed. Have your friend talk to her doctor about her ability to carry another child.

Posted in Ask a Surrogate.