by Nikia
(Baltimore, MD)

What if the baby you delivered is now a year old and payment by the intended parents is not yet received, what do you do? The agency can’t get it either even though it was in the contract. How to get payment from parents after the child is born? He is now a year old. 

Reply by Rayven

Hi Nikia,

I am very sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Some agencies are, unfortunately, notorious for dropping the ball when it comes to assisting the surrogate in receiving her compensation, or the remainder of her compensation.

If you have gone through the agency, have contacted the intended parents, and are certain that they have no plans on paying you the remainder that is due to you, then it is time to get your lawyer involved. This is a legal issue and you will most likely need to sue.

Most of your compensation will likely go to your lawyer as fees. You will probably not be able to recover these fees in addition to the compensation owed you.

For those reading this message wondering what to do to protect themselves from the same thing happening to them, the best advice I can give you is to have your compensation paid in full before the birth of the baby. If you choose to set up monthly compensation payments, for example, do so in 8 payment increments instead of 10. Use an escrow agent and have the funds deposited in escrow before signing.

And never, under any circumstances, sign a contract where your entire compensation is due at or after the birth of the child. Not only is this extremely risky for the surrogate, but it could be seen in some places as baby selling.

Best wishes to you Nikia!

by Brittney
(Berkeley, Ca.)

I am concerned about loosing my uterus during the surrogacy process? Are the chances and risk high than a normal pregnancy? I also have another question as well. Is bed rest very common during the pregnancy? I know there is the required 3 to 4 days after the IVF transfer, but is it always occurring. I don’t want to spend 9 months in the bed. Also, is being a surrogate time consuming? Will I still have time to do what I want to do? Thanks for your help on this matter.

Reply by Rayven

There are risks to surrogacy, and loss of uterus does happen, though it is uncommon. This is one of the main reasons why it is important that you are DONE having your own children before considering surrogacy.

The risks are slightly higher than with a typical pregnancy simply because there is a higher chance of multiples in IVF and gestational surrogacy, meaning a higher chance of complications, and a higher chance of major problems due to complications.

Though we have come a long way in the western world with advances in childbirth, women still do lose their lives. It’s just extremely uncommon.

The bedrest after the transfer is generally 1-3 days, if it is used at all. And this is a modified bedrest; you can get up to use the restroom, answer the door, fix a sandwich.

As to whether you would have additional bedrest, that would depend on any complications (especially with multiples) that might occur with your pregnancy. It is unlikely that you would be on bedrest for 9 months; but if you were to say, carry quintuplets, you might be on bedrest for half the pregnancy. It would totally depend on your situation.

Is it time consuming? Yes. Much, much more than a regular pregnancy. You have many more people to deal with, additional doctors, clinics, agencies, lawyers, intended parents. You have daily injections (this requires me to have 1.5 hours a day available because I use the EMLA cream) you have additional tests and especially if you have multiples, additional appointments.

You’ll still have time to do the regular things in your life, but you may have to alter or give up several, depending on your situation. Things like travel, promotions (that would require you to move), are just two examples.

Surrogacy is not a quick and easy process, and is not for the faint hearted. It is extremely invasive, takes a lot of effort and compromise, and is worth every minute of it.

by Amie
(Illinois)

I am a gestational surrogate for my best friend and her husband. This is the first time any of us have gone through this process. The transfer was done on May 30th (2 embryos) and the preg. test will be June 8th. I have been on estrogen for almost a month and started my prog shots about 2 weeks ago. I have been crampy ever since I started the meds. I am still crampy after the transfer although the cramps haven’t changed in anyway. They seem to come and go. Does this sound normal? Does everyone feel crampy and a little bloated from the meds? I just hope nothing could be wrong. My BW for prog and estrogen levels tested great 2 days ago. Thanks for any input!

Reply by Rayven
Cramping after the IVF transfer or while on medications is quite normal; many surrogate mothers experience it.

Just be careful about what medications you take as a pain reliever. Advil and Aspirin are no-no’s but you may be able to take Tylenol. Ask your clinic to be sure.

by Michelle
(UK)

We have been trying for 6 years and had two failed attempts with TS. We can’t do GS as we could not afford to go that road. 

Reply by Rayven

Traditional surrogacy is much different from gestational surrogacy. With traditional surrogacy, a woman is being asked to give up her own child. With gestational surrogacy, a woman is being asked to carry someone else’s child.

There are many gestational surrogates out there who have no emotional problems with carrying a child that has no relationship to them. They are able to clearly separate themselves from the baby because they know it is 100% not theirs. Many gestational surrogates know that they would not feel the same way were they going through a traditional surrogacy.

Add that to the fact that most agencies, laws, and lawyers are encouraging gestational surrogacy (at least here in the States) because there is no legal connection between a gestational surrogate and the baby she gives birth to. With traditional surrogacy, the surrogate mother must sign over her rights to the child.

They are still out there, you just need to find them!

Head over to our new Surrogacy Classified Ads section and post an ad.

Best wishes on your journey! 

by Jamie
(Troy, MO)

I have friends who have been trying to have a baby for almost 10 years now, and they’ve just lost their twins at 10 weeks. I’m considering offering to be a surrogate for them, but I was wondering how long the process takes, outside of the 9 months pregnancy, of course. I’m currently in college and I’ll have enough credits to start working in 15 months. Is it reasonable to assume that I could carry their child(ren) and give birth in this amount of time?

Reply by Rayven

The surrogacy process can take just a couple months to get going, or could take more than a year; it depends on several factors.

Fist, how ready are you both to getting started? Do they have a clinic in place? Is there clinic ready to interview/test a surrogate? Do you both have attorneys for your contracts?

After that first wave of organizational stuff is done (it can take a few weeks to get all that together) then there are contracts and testing. Contracts can be slow; it depends on your lawyers and if there are any issues with the contract that need to be hashed out. Testing can be slow if you go through your OB and have to wait for an appointment. Plan on a couple weeks to a couple months for these steps.

Once that is all done, then you need to get with the clinic to coordinate the transfer and get in sync with the intended mother or egg donor. How quick is this? It really depends on the clinic. Could be less than one month, could be three months.

Then, you may not have a successful first transfer. It could take 2 or 3 tries (spaced 1-3 months apart, depending on the clinic) before you are successful, if at all.

So it depends on a lot of factors.

I’d say, if you are all past that initial stage of organizing that I mentioned, if everything goes well and you are successful at your first transfer, then you should be able to complete a journey in your time frame. But you need to be prepared for the fact that it might take longer than that.

Best wishes!