by Ashleigh
(Michigan)
It started out when my sister started having trouble getting pregnant. I told her that if it came down to it, I would be a surrogate for her. And I’ve always wanted to be a surrogate- to help families who can’t have children on their own. But everything I read says a surrogate has to have been pregnant before, and I haven’t. Is that the only option? What if my sister wanted me specifically to be her surrogate? I don’t think it’s fair when I know I want to do this, but a stupid issue of me having never been pregnant is stopping that. Mostly I want to know if doing it for my sister is an exception.
Reply by Rayven
The short answer to your question is yes, they would probably (though not definitely) make an exception for sisters.
However, coming from someone experienced in surrogacy, I would never under any circumstances recommend it. I personally feel that it is an incredible (and unnecessary) risk.
Why? First, anything can happen in surrogacy. It is not uncommon for a surrogate mother to go through complications that make it impossible for her to ever have more children. If you have not completed your own family, then you may be looking at getting a surrogate yourself down the road.
And think about it. How would your sister feel if while attempting to help her, you lost the ability to ever have a child of your own?
Then there is the fact that this entire process is extremely expensive, and as you have not had children of your own, you could be facing fertility issues yourself. There is no way to know until you go through the process.
Think about this. How would YOU feel if your sister spend tens of thousands of dollars, or more, attempting to have you carry for her, only to find out that you, yourself were incapable? And what if she was financially unable to find another surrogate to do it again?
And then there is the fact that you really have absolutely no clue how you will feel about the baby once it is born. There have been situations where a sister has carried for her sister or brother and decided to keep the baby instead. It destroys a family.
These are just a few of the concerns. For these reasons, a surrogacy agency and most IVF clinics will not accept women who have not had successful prior pregnancies as surrogates. Because you are not going through an agency, its not quite the same, which leaves you room to stretch the rules.
I personally would absolutely never consider it. You need to complete your own family first.
