by abby
(illinois)

Hello there. I have been moving along in the surrogate process and my next step is to have my medical exam, which I know with general certainty will be fine. So my questions are…..(firstly) what is the overall demand for a surrogate? (in your opinion?)

My agency said that they have fifty waiting family’s for surrogate services. So it tells me that there is demand. I am not greedy, but I do have a price that will make this all feel right and fair at the end of the process. Will I totally ruin my chance if I have a set number of my own?

The agency, let’s say, is saying around 29K for the fee (here in the states) and I would need 20K (net) to make is worthwhile for me.

I can say from the bottom of my heart that my first intentions are to give a wonderful gift to someone who cannot have a child biologically themselves.

My intentions are in the right place. I am not having any more children of my own so I am glad to do this. But, as I have been praying about and thinking about this…I realized and asked myself what my financial “goal” is in doing this. And I am not ashamed to say that I definitely have one. (a goal meaning where/how I need to use the compensation)

So, with that said, do I seem reasonable?

Thanks for reading and hope my questions make sense! I appreciate it.

ps-if i sound gross talking about money, I just figure this is where the true-to-life experts are and where I may feel comfortable asking ANYTHING!! When I had my son dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween, I looked at him and felt this feeling of overwhelming gratitude and thought, wow, everyone should have and be as blessed with a PUMPKIN! So this is my reason for being interested!

Reply by Rayven
Hi Abby,

There is nothing wrong with asking about the compensation involved with surrogacy, and in fact, you are most definitely coming at it from the right place.

Let me answer your questions. First, as to the overall demand, there are more intended parents out there looking for surrogates than there are qualified surrogate mothers to help them.

If you are working with an agency, and you meet all the qualifications, you should be able to find a match within a couple of months. Keep in mind that the process is involved, and the first set of intended parents you are introduced to may not be the perfect set of parents for you. Take your time and go with the right parents.

Now onto your questions about compensation. I’m not sure where the $29K is coming from? Is that the overall fee the agency is charging the intended parents for the entire journey? Some agencies have policies set in stone for the amount of compensation that a surrogate mother will receive. Other agencies allow surrogate mothers to set their own fees within certain guidelines.

Most first-time surrogates ask for compensation around $20-25K, in the United States, which is about where you are with your requirements. I do not see anything at all wrong with asking for that amount.

And I am very glad that you have sat down to think about it. So often, money is an uncomfortable topic to deal with, so potential surrogate mothers sort of “go along with” whatever the agency, lawyers, or intended parents decide, too afraid to make their wishes known.

Your compensation, and your financial reasons for becoming a surrogate (and most surrogates, whether we wish to admit it in public or not, do have financial reasons for being a surrogate, in addition to a desire to help another family) are deeply personal and should be discussed at length between you and your spouse. And when presenting these requirements, I have found the easiest thing to do is to simply state, before you even meet intended parents, that your requirements are nonnegotiable. Be clear with your requirements and leave it at that. If a set of potential intended parents does not agree with your requirements, they can pass you by without ever talking with you further, eliminating uncomfortable situations down the road.

So, to recap: your requirements are reasonable and you should have no trouble matching, assuming you qualify to become a surrogate mother.

Best wishes!