The payment for being a surrogate mother can be an uncomfortable topic in commercial surrogacy to discuss. Surrogate mother compensation is just one of the expenses in surrogacy, and it’s important for surrogates and intended parents to talk about this topic openly. It’s hard talking about money. Here’s the best way to go about it.
The best thing to do, whether you are intended parent or surrogate mother, is to sit down with your partner before you begin the matching process and have a heart-to-heart talk about the payment for being a surrogate mother.
Discuss what sort of surrogate mother compensation you feel your family will want or can afford, and write it down.
Go through the list of other expenses and discuss what fees you feel apply to your situation, and get a clear idea of what you are looking for in a commercial surrogacy agreement.
Decide with your partner if you are firm in your fees or if you are open for negotiation with the surrogate or intended parents.
If you are firm in your fees, then let any potential surrogate or intended parents know ahead of time.
Simply tell them that the payment for being a surrogate fees you are describing are what your family needs or can afford to pay, and that they are not open for negotiation.
Surprisingly, this approach is actually helpful in a commercial surrogacy arrangement. Most people will appreciate this candor.
Money is such a touchy subject, and if you clearly spell out what it is that you are looking for, surrogates or intended parents can pursue you or pass you by before you get into an emotional situation which might cause either of you to feel regret at the decisions ultimately made.
This way, neither party needs to compromise.
If you are a surrogate and your payment for being a surrogate is not too important to you, or if you are intended parents who do not have to worry so much about the final cost of a surrogacy, then you may decide to go through negotiations to come to an agreement.
In these circumstances, you will want to compromise on fees that will be acceptable to both parties.
Whichever way you decide to go, it is very important that you decide, at least preliminarily, on surrogate mother compensation before you match. You do not want to get into a matching and potential contract situation with no clue as to how much the payment for being a surrogate should be.
This is not a topic you will want to be ignorant about, as you could regret a hasty decision later, whether you are intended parents or a gestational or traditional surrogate mother.
When talking about compensation, it is important to note that there are no set answers.
No two surrogacies or contracts are alike.
Some surrogates prefer smaller compensations, while others will be at the higher scale.
Some surrogates charge fees based on each process of the journey while others charge one flat fee for the duration.The important thing to do is to find out what your needs are, and to set a reasonable fee.
Compensation should not be about trying to “nickel and dime” intended parents, or about trying to get “the cheapest” surrogate. It is about finding a fair balance to compensate the surrogate for her important part of the journey, while making sure that the intended parents have enough money to support their child.
Agencies and Compensation
If you decide to go through an agency, many agencies have a compensation plan in place for their surrogates and intended parents. Some agencies are strict about compensation plans, while others will allow surrogates or intended parents to change it somewhat. Check with an agency before signing to see what their stance is on fees.
When talking about surrogate mother compensation, it is quite common that an experienced surrogate mother will command a higher fee.
An experienced surrogate, that is a surrogate mother who has delivered at least one baby via surrogacy, generally will be compensated more for her second and subsequent journeys.
There are a few reasons for this.
- The surrogate is proven
Many intended parents feel more comfortable knowing that a surrogate has delivered before. This proves to them that her body is capable of an IVF pregnancy, and that she is emotionally secure with the entire process.
- The surrogate realized it was harder than she thought
Many times surrogates will choose a higher payment for being a surrogate the second time around simply because they underestimated the process the first time. It might be that she did not realize the emotional, physical, and sometimes financial strain that her family would go through.