I started this website 8 years ago with one simple intention: to educate those interested in pursuing surrogacy on the process. I wanted to be kind, uplifting, and honest.

But I have to admit it; I’ve done a lot of sugar-coating.

Maybe it’s my nature – I am obnoxiously positive. I love finding the good in any situation, and am great at turning problems into opportunities. I am not fond of judging others, and, if I’m being honest here, I’m really not fond of others judging me.  I prefer to fly under the radar with any of my opinions that are controversial; I hate rocking the boat.

But I’m also a realist. And sugar coating a subject as complicated as surrogacy in an effort to avoid negative comments from those who will disagree with me is not the best service I can be offering those new to this community.

And restraining myself from offering experienced opinions on issues that affect this industry in the desire to remain unblemished is selfish.

WHICH IS SO TOTALLY UNFAIR TO YOU.

So consider this your fair warning: it’s about to get real here.

Don’t get me wrong – all of the information on this website is true, and if you’d like to think that all journeys are sunshine and rainbows, it will serve you well. But let’s be real. Most journeys are not sunshine and rainbows.  Most are messy rollercoasters filled with breathtakingly awesome highs, and terrifyingly depressive lows.  And it’s really important to understand that this is TOTALLY normal.

Nothing is quick, nothing is easy, transfers fail, people let you down, attorneys move at a snail’s pace, clinics make unreasonable demands, and hearts get broken.

Sometimes even crazy things happen – like agencies or escrow services run off with the money, surrogates try to keep a baby, or, more commonly, intended parents leave the surrogate with unpaid medical bills or even with the baby itself.

YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS.

So in the days and weeks to come, I’m going to bring them to you. I’m going through and editing all the pages on Information on Surrogacy to cut down on some of the extra sweetener. Some pages, I might even offer a dash of salt, just to keep us all on our toes.

And expect to see some rather opinionated posts from me going forward. Like, when a surrogate gets national attention for deciding she has the right to keep the baby she is carrying for someone else because she does not agree with a decision the intended parents made – you better believe you’re going to hear from me about how totally wrong she is.

And when there’s big talk about regulating the industry in order to protect those pursing surrogacy – I’m going to share with you the harsh truth on why having politicians make decisions on subjects they have no experience with, benefits no one but the lawyers – who will be making a lot of extra money.

My loyalty is to you, my readers, and my goal is to bring you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL.

Consider this your fair warning: it’s about to get real in here.  I’m rocking the boat. Get your rotten veggies ready to throw. It might just end up hitting the fan.

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Ok, now that we’ve discussed the new direction of this site, let’s talk about some of the great changes I’ve made to make your life better –

First, we have a BRAND NEW Classified Ads board! Here you can browse for a surrogate, intended parent, or agency, or place your own ad. Totally free:

Information on Surrogacy Classified Ads

And second, we have a BRAND NEW Facebook Group! Connect with others involved in surrogacy in a drama-free zone.

Surrogacy Connections Facebook Group 

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Are you thinking about helping another family be serving as a surrogate mother? Do you already have children of your own? If so, at some point you will have to tell your children about your choice. This can be something that is difficult and even overwhelming since you want to be as sensitive as possible and may not know how your child will react. If you need a few tips on how you can make this a bit easier to get through, read on.

One thing to remember is this: kids are smarter than we usually give them credit for. They are also more accepting of things than an adult would be. So, honestly, all of your fretting may prove to be unfounded.

Telling Your Toddler
Ok, so let’s talk about toddlers first. When discussing your plans with your small child, it is really best to keep it as simple as possible. You can tell them that babies grow inside their mommy’s bellies and that the intended mother’s belly is broken so you are helping her by letting the baby grow in your belly.

You want to be sure that your child knows that the baby you are carrying is for the intended mother and her family and that he/she will be going to live with them after birth. You may have to reiterate this explanation throughout your pregnancy, but it is actually very effective in its simplicity.

Telling Your School-Aged Child

With older children, you can expand more upon the simplistic explanation mentioned above. Once they hit elementary school, kids are better able to understand reproduction to a degree. You can even go into the science of how it works to fertilize an egg and transplant the embryo inside your womb. It may seem like it would be too complex for them to understand, but if you do it right, they will. And they will be reassured that the child that you are carrying is not going to be their brother or sister. This will hopefully make the post-birth transition easier. If you prefer not to go into so much detail you can liken it to baking cookies for a friend. Your friend’s oven is broken so you are baking their cookies for them. Bt once the cookies are done, you can’t keep them – you have to give them to your friend.

Telling Your Teenager

When it comes to telling your teenager, complete openness is the best policy. They are at the age where they should definitely be able to understand the process of reproduction as well as the science behind surrogacy. When discussing your choice with your teenagers be sure to let them know as many details as possible as well as give them the chance to voice their questions, feelings, and concerns about the surrogacy.

Regardless of the age of your child, you will likely find that they are more understanding and accepting than you may have expected. The key is to be open and honest with them.

On May 13th, justice was meted out to Tonya Collins – the former owner of a surrogacy agency called SurroGenesis in Modesto, California – fraud case was finally settled. The judge sentenced her to five years and three months in prison for four counts of wire fraud in which she conned several families out of over two million dollars – money they had paid to be put towards their surrogacies.

As one can imagine, this situation has been emotionally, not to mention financially, burdensome for the innocent parties involved. It is something that many of them will not easily overcome. However, there seems to be a silver lining in this travesty of a situation. While many families were left devastated, this situation has actually brought two families together.

Wife and mother of three, Fresno resident Katir Froman was eager to become a surrogate. She felt that it would be a great feeling to be able to bless another family with a child that they have been wanting but could not have on their own. So, in June of 2007, she signed up to be a surrogate through SurroGenesis. Not too long afterwards, she was matched up with a family. Little did she know of the scandal that was going to break.

When she was well into her 3rd trimester (only a month and a half away from delivery) with twins, Froman received news that Tonya had fled the town and had been embezzling funds. Luckily, Froman was one of the people who were not directly impacted by Collins’s actions. Unfortunately, at least 50 other families had fallen victim to the elaborate scheme. Her heart broke for those families., saying that she ” was just blown away that somebody could be so heartless and take something that’s so important to so many people. It’s not like you’re stealing money, it was people’s hopes and dreams that she took”.

In 2010, Froman heard the story of Beth and Marcia Mardones. This Chicago couple were one of the families that had been victimized. They had been conned out of $20,000. Worse, their chance at parenthood had been taken from them. Beth Mardones is quoted as saying “I just felt that all of our hopes of having our own biological child were shattered”.

Apparently, the Mardones’s story really struck a chord with Froman who says that “My heart was broken for them. I was literally crying watching their interview and I just felt like I needed to help them,” She was so touched, in fact, that she contacted them through Facebook and offered them a huge gift – she would carry and deliver their child without any expectation of compensation.

Although it took several tries, the Mardones family did finally get their wish to become parents – something that they view as being a huge blessing. They are now the proud parents of a 14 month old son named Jake who is a reminder of the bond that is now shared between the Fromans and the Mardones families.

As Jay Froman (Beth’s husband says “even though Tonya Collins is not a good person, and what she did was wrong, there’s still people out there that do the right thing and step up when the time comes”.) This story of altruism and humanity is one that gives hope to many.

Are you a mother who has considered becoming a gestational surrogate but are concerned that the fact that you have had your “tubes tied” will automatically disqualify you? I am here to tell you not to worry about that. Your dreams of gestational surrogacy can still come true.

 

If you have been wondering about whether your tubal ligation will automatically rule out as a candidate for a surrogate arrangement, you are not alone. This is actually a fairly common question that women interested in gestational surrogacy seem to have. As a matter of fact, when I first looked into becoming a gestational carrier, it was the first question that came to mind.

I first played around with the idea of becoming a gestational surrogate an entire five years after my last child was born. When she was born, I had had my tubes tied. So, when I started looking into gestational surrogacy, I was afraid that my tubes being tied meant that I would be declined right away.

 

Fortunately, I was wrong. Since that day, I have been blessed to deliver three healthy children as a gestational surrogate- twins and a male singleton.

 

So, was I the exception or can other women pursue gestational surrogacy despite having had their tubes ties? In short, yes – you can. However, unless you go through surgery or have an IVF treatment, you will not be able to be a traditional surrogate.

 

Ok, so you may be a little confused. Let me clear it up for you. There are two types of surrogacy – gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy. Both are very commonplace here in the U.S.

 

With gestational surrogacy, the surrogate mother is carrying a child that is not biologically related to her. In other words, it is not the result of her eggs. Instead, the eggs of the intended mother (or an egg donor) are fertilized by the intended father and then implanted into her womb via an IVF treatment. Since the surrogate’s ovaries are not needed, a woman who had had her tubes tied is able to become a gestational carrier.

 

A traditional surrogacy, however, involves the surrogate donating her eggs. In this situation, she is impregnated with the sperm of the intended father via artificial insemination. Biologically, she is the mother of the child. Since her eggs are necessary for a traditional surrogacy, it is more difficult for a woman who has had her tubes tied to pursue this option. It would involve a lot more money and time.

 

For women who have had their tubes tied, the best scenario would be to pursue a gestational surrogacy. In fact, women who have had their tubes tied are actually the preferred candidates to be a gestational surrogate. Why? Because there is no chance that she will become pregnant with her own child during the process.

 

So if you have harbored a fear of what your tubes being tied will do to your chances of becoming a surrogate mother – have no fear. Not only will it not hurt your chances, it may even improve your chances for becoming a gestational surrogate.