My boyfriend and me are wanting to have a baby, and we can’t afford 50k for a surrogate. Is there any way to find someone professionally to have my baby?

Please no offensive comments toward this, I know that I should be rich to have a child in this country. To me, love is always the key to bringing up great children. My parents weren’t rich and I grew up happy and grateful. Thank you for your help and replies. -Aiden

Reply by Rayven
Aiden,

We have a joke in our home. Whenever my daughter starts a sentence with “no offense”, whatever comes out of her mouth next is usually highly insulting. And your comments about wanting someone “professional” and “knowing you must be rich to have a child” would be very insulting to anyone who has made the sacrifices to become a surrogate mother, myself included.

Having said that, I think you are a little confused on how surrogacy works, and how much it costs. A surrogate mother typically does not get paid $50K. Surrogacy itself costs about that much (estimated, costs vary due to many varied circumstances) with the fee to a surrogate included.

If you are looking to save money on surrogacy, you need to find an altruistic surrogate; perhaps a relative or close family friend who would have a baby for you without taking a fee.

Or go with a traditional surrogate.

Or donate your own eggs to fund surrogacy.

Or don’t go through an agency.

As you can see, there are many different options, and nearly every set of intended parents are NOT rich. They sacrifice to become parents. They save for years, they don’t take vacations, they don’t drive fancy cars, they save every last penny they have to do this, usually after spending tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments.

It’s not cheap, it’s not for everyone, but it is certainly not the surrogate’s fault! A typical first time surrogate will receive $18-22K in compensation, a far cry from $50k.

And a word of caution; don’t refer to a surrogate as a “professional”. It implies that she is in it for the money, when surrogates really aren’t. There’s just not enough money to be going thorough this situation for that.

Do some research, weight your options, come up with a plan, and follow it. If it’s something you really desire in life, you can do it.

Best wishes!

by Olivia
(Indiana)

I’m 14, ive wanted to be surrogate mother for about 3 years now, having the family that i have im a lot more mature then an average teenager. Any way to get around the age limit of surrogacy?

Reply by Rayven

Olivia, I’m going to be very blunt here and not mince words, because I feel you need this wake-up call.

A 14 yr old is not mature enough to handle surrogacy. Period.

The fact that you are asking this question proves the point that you have not yet reached the right maturity level for surrogacy. And you’ve wanted to do this since 11? I can tell you MY 11 yr old daughter has decided she never wants to be pregnant!

Listen, you might be desiring this from the stance that you want to help someone, or perhaps you want to experience pregnancy without becoming a mom yourself. Either way, surrogacy is not an option for you, not until you are 21 and have completed your own family.

What you are describing is not only illegal, it would be child abuse. (You being the child.)

More reasons why this wouldn’t work:

1. It’s against the law
2. Your body is still growing
3. Your body is unproven
4. You are not emotionally mature enough to give back the baby
5. You are not emotionally mature enough to deal with the complex relationships between the surrogate and intended parents
6. The shots and fertility treatments may affect your body in a negative way since you are still a teen
7. You may lose your ability to EVER have children of your own

Do I need to go on? Really, I should have stopped at #1. IT IS ILLEGAL.

Please, girls reading this. No matter who you are or what you have been through in life, you are NOT the exception to the law. No one is. And no one is the same at 21 as they were at 14.

Best wishes to you and sorry for my bluntness.

by judi
(kansas)

If my surrogate mother has her tubes tied~why does she need to go on birth control before the transfer? does my surrogate mother need birth control before transfer with a tubal

Reply by Rayven

Yes, she still needs birth control pills. They actually are not used for birth control prior to a transfer (unless that was the method of birth control a woman was previously using) but are used to regulate a woman’s cycle and sync it with either the intended mother or an egg donor so that the transfer can be made.

Both women need to be on the same cycle so timing is right. You’re taking eggs from one woman (fertilizing them) and putting them into another…the body needs to be ready for them.

In some cases, even a frozen transfer patient will get birth control pills. For instance, I have a tubal, and I was always put on birth control prior to my transfers even though I always did frozen transfers. The IVF doctor scheduled all his transfers in the same week and then went to another office in another state, so the office sync’d all the patients for convenience.

see my mom has no insides so she cant cary a baby but she still got one ovary so she still got eggs and i have two kids and we wont to take her egg and fertilise it and put it in me and we both have medicad and im a stay at home mom and i still have all my old preg close from my last time so im trying to see what the cheapest way to do this is cuse we both on ssi so we dont have lot money

Reply by Rayven
Unfortunately, surrogacy is quite expensive, and if you and your mother are both in a financial situation that relies on help from the state/government, you most likely will not be able to afford gestational surrogacy.

The IVF procedure will cost thousands, perhaps tens of thousands of dollars. Then, because you are on Medicaid, an insurance policy will have to be purchased for you, or you will need to pay cash for the entire pregnancy, labor, and delivery. If you get multiples and end up on bedrest, or if you experience complications, this could run you tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands more.

In addition to medical costs, there are attorney fees, legal fees (yes, you absolutely MUST go through the court system), and dozens of miscellaneous fees, the least of which is maternity clothing.

The entire process is long and very expensive. Since you would not be taking a fee from your mother, her costs would probably run $25K on the low side, in a picture perfect world, and upwards of $100K if complications arise, pregnancy does not occur with the first transfer, you need to pay cash for the pregnancy, etc.

Surrogacy is not within financial reach for many people at this time.

What is the appropriate amount to charge for a second baby?

Reply by Rayven
I am unclear by your question if you are asking what a multiples fee would be, if, for example, you were to carry twins, or you are asking what fees a second-time surrogate would receive.

But honestly, to address your question exactly as it is written, nothing should be charged for a second baby. In fact, nothing should be charged for a first baby. That would be “baby selling” and is completely illegal.

Surrogate mothers are not paid to hand over babies. They are compensated for being pregnant. There is a very distinct difference here. Regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy itself, whether that is a miscarriage, an abortion due to genetic defects, a stillborn, or a live full-term baby, the surrogate is compensated for the time in which she is pregnant.
No surrogate is compensated for producing a baby.

Now, if you meant, “What is the additional compensation for carrying twins?” Then the answer to this is that generally, a multiples fee is $3,000-5,000+ for twins, and $5,000-10,000+ for triplets, due to the added difficulty of carrying them. This fee MUST be discussed in advance, and placed into the contract BEFORE pregnancy. If pregnancy has already occurred, and there is no mention of a multiple’s fee in the contract, then there is ZERO additional compensation.

If you meant, “What is the typical base compensation for a second-time surrogate?” Then the answer to this is that surrogate mothers typically ask for compensation of around $5,000-10,000+ more for the second journey. Third and subsequent journeys are around the same as the second, maybe $2,000-5,000+ more. So if you received $22,000 as a base compensation for a first surrogacy, it is not unheard of to ask $32,000 for a second, and $35,000 for a third. Of course, many second and subsequent surrogates do eliminate some of the itemized expenses they find they do not need for another journey, such as additional maternity clothes, or mock transfer fees.

Hope this help!