What are my first steps in considering the option of a surrogate?

Surrogacy-Quote-5by Alicia
(Chicago, IL)

Hi. I am 30 years old (2 months away from 31) and I desperately want a baby. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, and together for 10. My issue is that I actually could produce a child but I have had numerous spinal surgeries and basically my body just can’t handle the stress of a pregnancy- even with bedrest. The reason for this is that I have a narcotic pain pump in my stomach, and over a half a dozen herniated discs. There is more to it, but bottom line is that I do not want my fetus receiving narcotics and my body also can’t handle it.

My sister brought up the idea of surrogacy and she is set on the idea of carrying my child for me. I am a very realistic person and have so many mixed emotions. I picture her with morning sickness, all her aches in pains, not to mention the emotional rollercoaster of her giving birth then handing the baby over to me. However, she did get my brain thinking.

If surrogacy is even an option for me I know nothing about it. I don’t even know where to begin. Does insurance cover this? Do I start with a fertility doctor (even though my issue is not infertility) or do I start with my regular doctor? I don’t even know where to begin!

Any advice will be so incredibly helpful!

Reply by Rayven


Surrogacy is not just for those who are deemed “infertile”, it is also for those who have reasons when pregnancy would be ill advised for either mother or child. It sounds as if you fall into this later group.

You would need to talk with your doctor, and possibly see a fertility specialist to see if it is possible for you to use your own eggs, through an egg retrieval, or if it would be best to use donor eggs or a traditional surrogate.

The best possible surrogacy situation is usually one where a sister or another family member is able to be your surrogate. Start with this option.

Your insurance will NOT cover this. All the infertility treatments (ie, the embryo transfer) will need to be paid out of pocket, along with all other fees (attorney, surrogacy fee if not using your sister, possibly agency fees, day-to-day pregnancy expenses, etc). The medical bills for the pregnancy itself will need to be covered by your surrogate’s insurance company (unless specifically excluded, in which case you will need to obtain another policy for her or pay out of pocket).

You will have more questions. For a step by step list of things you need to do to get started in surrogacy, see Step by Step Checklist

Best wishes.

can you be a surrogate if you have had one or more babies born premature?

Surrogacy-Quote-6i have had 3 children, 2 were born prem, and spent a short time in scbu, apart from that pregnancys all great, no actual known reason for prematurity
babies all healthy now.

would this make it hard/ or me not able too be a surrogate

im 25 years old

Reply by Rayven
It probably will make a difference, depending on just how premature they were.

My suggestion would be to find a surrogate agency and go through them. They will let you know if your specific situation will prevent you from becoming a surrogate mother.

Surrogate Agency Directory

Can I be a surrogate mother?

Surrogacy-Quote-03I am 20 years old. Have a 9 month old baby boy who was born very healthy. I am married and have been for about 2 years as of next month. I meet all the requirements but my age. I wont be 21 until next summer. I would love to be a surrogate mother because I have seen the joy of having a baby in my own life. It would make my day to know I can help someone to be able to experience that wonderful joy.

Reply by Rayven

Honestly, its going to depend on the state you will give birth in. Some will allow 18-20 year olds, most only want 21+ (though ironically, the spouse of the surrogate mother may be younger, 18+).

Irregardless, I would begin the surrogacy process now. Do you research. Ask questions. Find an attorney. Figure out the laws in your state. Sit down with your partner and figure out your fees. This takes time. A couple months perhaps.

Then you can start to look for a couple to help. If you cannot become a surrogate mother in your state until you are 21, then let them know. It probably won’t be a problem, it will just mean that you cannot get started until the summer. Many intended parents want an extended period of time to get to know their surrogate mother anyways.

how long do you have to wait after you have a baby to be a surrogate mother

Surrogacy-Quote-20by sierra

how long do you have to wait after you have a baby to be a surrogate mother

Reply by Rayven

There is no set rule for this, but it is generally accepted that as soon as your OB/GYN clears you for having another child, you can start a surrogacy.

For example, after I gave birth to the twins in my first surrogacy, my OB/GYN cleared me to get pregnant again at my 6 week check-up! Of course, his partner, seeing me in the hospital recommended 6-months because of the fact that I carried multiples. So there is much wiggle room here.

We waited 6-months before starting another surrogate pregnancy.

Best wishes.



Reply by Rayven
I have a whole page on this site just for coming up with fun ideas on gifts to give to a surrogate mother or intended parents.

Surrogate Mother Gifts

Some sentimental ideas for the birth: how about naming a star for her, getting her a bonsai tree, or having a tree planted in her honor? Or maybe a gift of a spa day, or massage after her hard work?

There are a bunch of different ideas on the page linked above. Check them out!

Best wishes!